Saturday, June 26, 2010

The Rules of Life

For everyone (else) who needs some guidance in their pitiful existence, here are the basic rules of life.
  • Rule #1 - Do not talk about Fight Club. Alternatively, do not talk about internal party discussions (for politicians), the war we are fighting (for soldiers), oil on Gulf beaches (for BP executives).
  • Rule #1 for barbarians - Pillage first, then burn. Never burn before pillaging.
  • Rule #2 - See Rule #1.
  • Rule #6 - A friendship between people of the opposite sex will eventually evolve into one of them falling in love with the other. (aka: the "When Harry Met Sally" Rule)
  • Rule #12 - Romance between coworkers never works out. (See Rule #6)
  • Rule #17 - Make sure he is dead.
Two hunters are out in the woods. One of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are closed. The other hunter takes out his mobile phone and calls emergency services. “My friend is dead!” he cries to the operator, “What can I do?” The operator, in a calm voice says: “Don’t worry. I can help. First, make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Bang! The hunter’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?" ~ The funniest joke in the world
  • Rule #21 - All numbers pertaining to a rule are completely and utterly random.
  • Rule #23 - Never spill a Marine's coffee if you want to live.
  • Rule #34 - Whatever it is, there is porn of it.
  • Rule #34DD - with big boobs.
  • Rule #35 - If there is not porn of it, porn will be made of it.
  • Rule #41 - Any witty retort will only occur to you 10 minutes after you could have used it.
  • Rule #42 - All persons more than a mile high must leave the court. (Alice in Wonderland)
  • Rule #90 - Everything is better with zombies.
  • Rule #99 - If at first you don't succeed, kill the guy who did.
  • Rule #100 - There are already too many rules.

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