Friday, August 10, 2012

Romney and the Seven Deadly Sins of Politics

Mitt Romney is a sinful man, at least as a politician.

Often defined as the "caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy" rule. Lust has killed many a political career but Clinton proved the "boys will be boys" rule can trump it. There is no evidence Romney has committed this sin but we can't know if he has several teenage plural wives hiding in the weeds. Which leads us to...

Also known as "letting your opponent define you." Romney is determined to be the Scarlet Pimpernel candidate ("that damned elusive Pimpernel"). While he will probably have a cotton candy bio film at the convention it won't accomplish much. Romney has waited too long to define himself. John Kerry and Michael Dukakis are proof of the damage of this sin. I still don't know who Dukakis was, and I voted for him.

People know their politicians are sons of bitches, they just don't want them to be greedy sons of bitches. Taking bribes (Duke Cunningham) will land even a politician in jail. Romney has admitted to manipulating the tax code to legally steal money from honest taxpayers.

Americans like their politicians to be "one of guys" or at least pretend to be. George Bush was born into old East Coast money - he had a silver spoon in his mouth and another one stuck up his butt. But his awe shucks mannerisms convinced the public he was a good ole boy. Romney is an aristocrat and fucking proud of it. He can't help lording over his inferiors.

Also known as wimpiness. Politics is a full contact sport that makes football look like a dance recital. People may decry dirty politics but they know if a candidate can't handle the rough and tumble of a campaign he'll never survive negotiations with Vlad Putin. Romney's constant complaining about how Obama is being mean to him makes Mitt look like a wussy pantywaist.

I've seen it before (Meg Whitman). A politician enters a race with more money than God and ends up squandering it. They hire consultants and pollsters up the wazoo and then hire even more pollsters for the consultants and consultants for the pollsters. Romney has a huge financial advantage yet its not apparent because he is so wasteful.

All politicians lie, that's to be expected. But we demand our politicians be able to keep their lies straight. Rather than being a Master of the Flip Flop, Romney is horrible at it. He flops about on issues with the grace of a fish on the deck of a boat. Even his supporters admit Romney has absolutely no political core and that he has to be house broken like an disobedient puppy.

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