Chief Justice Whiny-Pants

Chief Justice John Roberts is troubled that a political decision he made destined to aid the political party he supports have been criticized by the President. As far as I can tell, Roberts doesn't mind if some law professor, in class, questions some minor point of scholarship. What he objects to is having to sit there and have some senator or president criticize him to his face.

Roberts should count himself lucky. If he gets his panties in a twist over one sentence in an hour-long speech I can only imagine how soiled he would get if things get really down and dirty like they have in the past.

Supreme Court Justice Impeached for Political Decisions
Federalist Samuel Chase was appointed to the Supreme Court by President George Washington. Like Roberts and Scalia, Chase believed in a strong federal government run by an elite. He thought citizen democracy, as Roberts might say, lacked the proper decorum; Chase called it mobocracy. He believed that only men of property should be allowed to vote. Like Scalia and Roberts, Chase was highly partisan while on the Court.

In 1805 Democratic-Republicans were fed up with Chase and the House of Representatives voted articles of impeachment. Chase was acquitted in the Senate trial but kept his big mouth shut for the remainder of his life.

Andrew Jackson Ignores the Court
On a scale of 1 to 10, Andrew Jackson is off the scale when it comes to being a vicious asshole. In the 1830s Georgia wanted to drive every single Cherokee out of the state. Not because Georgians were particularly racist (although they are particularly racist) but because gold had been discovered on Indian land.

The Cherokee Nation went to court and won. The Supreme Court ruled that Georgia had no right to remove the Cherokee from their lands. Now, under the proper order of things, it is up to the Federal Government to enforce Supreme Court rulings. President Jackson told the Supreme Court to "go to hell." (Not in those exact words but everybody got the message.)

In 1838 the Cherokee were driven to Oklahoma along the Trail of Tears so Georgians could mine their gold without being pestered by those uppity injuns.

Outnumber the Bastards
You are a Democratic President trying to drag the nation out of a horrendous economic collapse and you have a Supreme Court loaded with Republican troglodytes determined to block every attempt to help the people. What do you do?

Franklin Roosevelt looked at the Constitution and looked at his big majorities in Congress and thought, "let's make the Court bigger." Simply put, the President would get to appoint one additional justice, up to six, for each of the old farts mucking up the works.

While it is true that the "court packing" plan failed it is also true that the threat had its intended effect. One justice, oddly enough named Roberts, switched sides and started voting with the Progressives. Another resigned. The end result was the Supreme Court ceased being an evil force bedeviling the nation.

Of course, if Chief Justice John Roberts hadn't slept through large parts of his legal education he would already know this history.

Barack and the Bully Pulpit

It's taken a year for him to find it and I hope President Obama doesn't hesitate to return to the political salesmanship he does so well. All of the memorable presidents (Teddy Roosevelt, FDR, JFK, Reagan) from the last century knew how to use the well turned phrase in the well timed speech to set his agenda.

For the past year, President Obama strove to be the Great Compromiser against a Republican minority that would oppose him if he said the sun rose in the east. Compromisers might make useful Senators (see Henry Clay) but they make for wholly forgettable presidents (see Millard Fillmore). Trying to compromise with an aggressive, even hateful, and unified opposition is a fool's errand. You weaken your own position while gaining nothing in return.

Finally, President Obama has set his oratorical skills to the battle for Health Care Reform. It is better being the Great Communicator. Only through the bully pulpit of the presidency, used more than once, can he gain the political high ground that will lead to possible victory.

The Best Argument for Passing Health Care Reform
Is Rush Limbaugh's promise to leave the country if it passes. Come on, congressional Democrats, who could possible vote against THAT.

H. L. Mencken Is Rolling Over

There are so many ways to headline the story that the front page of the Los Angeles Times is a full page ad for a Disney movie. I could have gone with...

• Times Merges With The Onion
• Times Editorial Staff Resigns En-mass (Editor-In-Chief says he's rather collect garbage than work on it.)
• Times Editorial Staff Commits Mass Suicide ("Can't live with the shame," they said.)
• Los Angeles Residents Ride Times Publisher Out of Town on a Rail
• Obituary - The American institution of The Press died today at the age of 306.
  

To call the LA Times a joke is an insult to comics. To call publisher Eddy Hartenstein inane is to understate the dead air between his ears. The Los Angeles Times has become a waste of living trees. I had been looking forward to Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, now I doubt I'll see it because I can't get past this perversion of a once great newspaper.

Symmetrical Recessions

This chart is all over and there is little new to say about it.
However, you may notice that the curves of these employment recessions tend to be symmetrical, meaning it takes about as long to recover as it did to reach the nadir.

We are 26 months into this employment recession (it started, remember, in December 2007) and the curve is flattening out, hopefully meaning we are nearing the bottom. But that still means we are more than two years away from full recovery. With luck, things might start looking rosy around the summer of 2012.

Sarah Palin Does Stand-Up

Usually, when a totally unfunny friend says they want to become a stand-up comic you put your arm around their shoulder and tell them, "Don't quit your day job."

Well, Sister Sarah already quit her day job as governor of Alaska and she's nowhere near a friend so....

You go girl, make a fool of yourself. Again.

Recognition Clues

One of the surest signs that someone is a closet homosexual is how homophobic he is. Consider:

• The jock who picks on straight kids, calling them fags, is the same guy who shaves his tits for homo-erotic photos and kisses teammates.
• Beauty queens who say that homosexuals should be put to death have chosen a profession that requires them to spend much of their waking hours hanging around naked women.
• Rush Limbaugh is always sucking on a phallus (thick cigar) in public and has the gayest bedroom in New York.
• J. Edgar Hoover used the FBI to persecute homosexuals while using FBI recruits as his personal gay brothel.
  
• Anti-gay preachers show gay porn in their churches and are caught praying with male prostitutes while nude.
  
• Republican politicians who make their careers attacking homosexual rights always end up getting caught going to gay bars.
  

Whether the homophobe is trying to hide his orientation by attacking his own kind or he is terrified of his sexual urges, homophobia is a certain sign of homosexuality. Listen to them, they believe that homosexuality is the more preferable orientation. They believe that if a child is exposed to a gay lifestyle they will immediately abandon heterosexuality, finding it the boring alternative. Straight people, secure in their sexuality, have nothing to fear from homosexuals and frankly can't understand what all the fuss is about.

Whenever I see someone attacking homosexuality I think, how gay is that.

Better Than 1000 Op-Ed Pieces

Is this Funny or Die bit urging President Obama to grow a pair.

Funny or Die's Presidential Reunion from Will Ferrell

Heroes of the Revolution

The Tea Party Movement has a pantheon of heroes. A partial list includes:

Joe Stack
Stack is the lifetime screwup who could never figure out why the IRS would get a little peeved by his habit of not paying his taxes. Stack, burned down his house, stole a plane, and flew it into a building killing an innocent man. He is being called a martyr, his anti-tax statement (murder) noble. Republican politicians like Senator Scott Brown think his actions were understandable.

Charles Dyer
Universally known within the Tea Party Movement as "the first POW of the Second American Revolution." He is being called a "political prisoner." The political act for which he has been imprisoned? Child rape.

Timothy McVeigh
While most people who worship the 1995 Oklahoma City bomber do so quietly, Ann Coulter is the exception.

My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building. ~ Ann Coulter

There is a lot of love out there for this ultimate of government protesters. It takes very little to find Tea Party folk echoing McVeigh's philosophies.

Billboard in Missouri, 2009.

The Winter Olympics

There are a lot of things to like about the Winter Olympics (curling, curling commentator Colleen Jones - who didn't fall in love when she said "oopsy-daisy" when a stone missed its target) but I'm feeling curmudgeonly so here is what I hated.

Chris Collingsworth
He's ruined Sunday Night Football but I can turn down the sound and mostly ignore him there and it's only once a week. But Collinsworth was there daily during the Olympics. Worse, I had to see his smile, really more a psychopath's smirk. He wants to be cute (fail), he wants to be insightful (double-fail), and he insists on comparing every Olympic athlete to retired football players. Every Collinsworth piece was just his personal tribute to Chris Collinsworth.

Skaters Helmet Hair
For some reason women figure skaters insist on tying their hair back in the most severe buns this side of a prison matron and slicking what's left down with about two tons of axle grease. The result is that most women figure skaters look like department store mannequins with painted on hair. Fortunately, ice dancers have more taste.

Ice Dancing Ethnic Insult Night
Unfortunately, the ice dance committee that set the theme of the original dance lacked any taste at all. Without guidelines the “folk/country dance” theme degenerated into a parade of stereotypes. The worst of the lot was the Russian pair whose Aboriginal dance descended into racism.

Meg Whitman
She did a saturation ad buy during the Olympics and it had an effect. I wasn't going to vote for her before but I didn't really care about her either. Now I have an abiding, all consuming loathing for her. I don't just want her to lose the election she is determined to purchase outright, I want her go bankrupt and be personally humiliated doing it.

Parenthood, Marriage Ref, and Leno Promos
I like Lauren Graham and think Jerry Seinfeld is funny. After a couple trillion promos for their new series(es) I just want them to go away for, like, maybe, forever. As for Leno, I've managed to avoid him for decades and I wish NBC would respect that.

NBC's Jingoism
I'm used to it by now but that doesn't mean I have to like it. For NBC the Olympics are not a grand international sports congress but a US/Canada lovefest. When foreigns inject themselves into the proceedings by, for example, winning, they are treated as interlopers undeserving of the attention. Let's go interview the American losers.

God Is the Biggest Terrorist

The Haiti earthquake has killed about a quarter of a million people. Over two million continue to be frightened and homeless.

The earthquake this morning in Chile was 100 times stronger than the Haitian quake. While it will probably kill fewer people that is only because its location was farther from population centers. Still, hundreds are likely dead, scores of thousands homeless, and the terror caused spreads across the Pacific with a potentially devastating tsunami.

Comparing these two Acts of God with everything that al Qaeda has attempted over the past two decades is like comparing an elephant to a flea. Think of this the next time fearful Republicans tells us we should trash the Constitution because of some deranged Arab.

Or, it could just be there is no petty God playing with humans like Lego toys. It could be we are all on a living, evolving planet that is as unfeeling towards the humans here as we are to the mites living in our eyelashes. Imagine how they feel whenever you blink.

Jim Bunning Hates Everyone

On a scale of one to ten, one being a nice guy and ten being the biggest dickhead in the world, Sen. Jim Bunning (R-KY) registers in the low hundreds.

Bunning's latest is filibustering an extension of unemployment benefits while the nation is struggling with unemployment over 10%. While doing so he is whining about missing a basketball game and throwing curses on the Senate floor.

Then there is the Jim Bunning Foundation whose biggest charity is giving money to Jim Bunning at a rate of $3500 an hour.

He joyfully, and wrongfully, predicted that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg was going to die soon.

See also Brendan Calling and Unemployed Friends.

Do Dogs Go To Heaven?

Any place that's too high-falootin' for Rip is too fancy for me. ~ Twilight Zone, The Hunt

It seems American Christian
fundamentalists have declared that, come the Rapture, dogs will be left behind. There is a great debate over the question. Oddly, there is a greater debate over dog Rapture than child Rapture. Babies, even Buddhist babies, get snatched up; rebellious teens get left behind. Still, the consensus is that dogs are soulless and will be abandoned by God.

There is extensive discussion over what to do about this. One way is to have a Goth teenage daughter. When Bible-beating mom and dad disappear one day little Rachel will still be there to feed Fluffy. An atheist entrepreneur has signed up hundreds of worried Christians to his Rapture-sitting service for pets. There is also a wonderful website to help their post-Rapture pet planning.

This all reminds me of an old Twilight Zone episode.

An old hillbilly named Hyder and his hound dog Rip return from coon hunting to find out they died. Wandering along a dirt road they come upon a beautiful gate on a side road. The Gatekeeper, dressed in white, tells Hyder that this is the gate to Heaven. Hyder starts to enter but the dog sets to howling. The Gatekeeper tells Hyder that dogs are not allowed in Heaven and he has to leave Rip behind. Hyder refuses to enter and won't listen to the Gatekeeper's promises. He had never abandoned Rip in life, he won't abandon Rip in death.

Hyder and Rip continue walking down the dirt road, sad about not going to Heaven but content he and Rip will spend eternity together. Farther down the road they meet a young man who says he has been sent to take Hyder to Heaven. Hyder refuses, telling the youth about his meeting with the Gatekeeper. Why, the youth tells Hyder, that there was the gate to Hell. Dogs, the youth says, can smell the brimstone fires of Hell and that is why are not allowed past the gate. The youth leads Hyder and Rip to a simple break in the fence - the passage to Heaven.

I suspect all of those Rapture fanatics are going to be in for a mighty big surprise when they reach that big, beautiful pearly gate through which dogs cannot pass.

If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans. ~ James Harriot

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. ~ Will Rogers

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man's. ~ Mark Twain

Also, this from Earl Hamner who wrote the Twilight Zone screenplay.

I Love Utah

Bright in our banner's blue,
Among her sisters true,
She proudly comes to view,
Utah, we love thee! ~ Utah State Song

I love Utah. Some states are prettier (Hawaii), some dumber (Texas), but no state is as dedicated to preserving its historical traditions of ignorance and misogyny than Utah.

Don't Need No Larnin'
Utah leaders believe you need enough education to be able to read the Bible but not so much that you might question the more bizarre Mormon beliefs. One of the stranger is that Mormons can marry dead people (sealing by proxy). Consistent with that dedication to ignorance a Utah legislator has proposed eliminating 12th grade. Can't have Utah's children growing up to become educated elites now, can we?

A Handmaid's Tale
Utah is one signature away from making miscarriages illegal. Since the bill outlaws accidental miscarriages as well as induced miscarriages and since 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage Utah is about to criminalize hundreds of thousands of women. Nothing oppresses a class of people more effectively than make their own biology illegal.

Remember What Mercenaries Are

"Military contractor" is really just a euphemism for mercenary. "Mercenary," in turn, is just a euphemism for pirate.

Companies like Blackwater (now Xe) are not motivated by patriotism or duty or honor. They practice war for money and money alone. As long as the United States is the highest bidder we can count on what passes for loyalty in their black hearts. But if drug warlords in Afghanistan can outbid the United States, as is apparently what has happened, then Blackwater mercs have no qualms switching sides for greater profit.

However, given military contractors have been accused of murder, rape, running drugs and guns, and prostitution I think it is safe to say that these mercs don't have any qualms about anything whatsoever.

Mother Jones put it all together a couple of years ago.

Big Brother Is Now

Big Brother Goes to School

The telescreen received and transmitted simultaneously. Any sound that Winston made, above the level of a very low whisper, would be picked up by it, moreover, so long as he remained within the field of vision which the metal plaque commanded, he could be seen as well as heard. ~ 1984

A Pennsylvania school district issued laptop webcams to their students. Those webcams could be activated remotely so school officials could watch the students while they were at home and discipline students for inappropriate conduct what at home.

It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug in your wire whenever they wanted to. You had to live -- did live, from habit that became instinct -- in the assumption that every sound you made was overheard, and, except in darkness, every movement scrutinized. ~ 1984

Apple Is Their Ad
Remember that Apple ad that was a takeoff on 1984. Well Apple is getting there. The have applied for a patent on a system that would require customers to watch advertising over, say, the iPad. If people don't watch and don't respond correctly proving that they are watching the product would cease working until the ad is properly viewed. The system will punish people who are not sufficiently responsive.

These tests “can be made progressively more aggressive if the user has failed a previous test,” the application says. One option makes the response box smaller and smaller, requiring more concentration to find and banish. Or the system can require that the user press varying keyboard combinations, the current date, or the name of the advertiser upon command, again demonstrating “the presence of an attentive user.” ~ New York Times

Apple Is Watching.

Fight Back Dems!

There is a jobs bill in the Senate and "Democrats are hoping they can get a few Republican votes for cloture." Hoping!? Here's how to do it.

• Make the cloture vote an event. Democratic senators should wear big buttons that read "Jobs Now!" and "Don't Fiddle, Act!!"
• Dare, I say DARE, Republicans to vote against Americans having jobs. State it clearly: "A vote against cloture is a vote against jobs."
• Attack, crucify, anyone voting "No" as hating regular Americans who just want to "Work hard and play by the rules to build a better life."
• Denounce as whiney ass titty babies (or the politically correct alternative) Republicans who moan about "the process." They want Americans to suffer for their bruised egos.
• Repeat as necessary.

It's called Playing Hardball. Harry Truman called it Giving Hell. Unfortunately, Harry Reid is so used to being punked he reflexively grabs his ankles when votes are called.

Racist Signs

Following the Brown v. Board of Education ruling by the Supreme Court in 1954 these billboard sprang up in the South and John Birch Society strongholds like San Diego.
Today, the grandchild of this sign is visible in Wisconsin.
I can't see a blessed difference between them. Can you?

Goldman Sachs and the Law

Let's assume, just for the sake of argument, that Goldman Sachs is a criminal enterprise. Let's assume that they have illegally manipulated markets. Let's assume that they have used secret currency swaps to hide Greek debt. Let's assume that they then shorted Greek debt to profit from their insider knowledge of those secrets. Let's even assume that Goldman Sachs employees are arming themselves like they were Bugsy Siegel.

Let's assume, just for the sake of argument mind you, that Goldman Sachs is a criminal cartel so massive they make the Mafia look like a street corner pot dealer. What law could possible bring them to justice?

In the United States Goldman Sachs owns the Treasury Department and the Federal Reserve. They have successfully infiltrated the top echelons of government. Quite literally, Goldman Sachs owns the cops on the beat.

How about the European Union? Couldn't they do something? There is talk of banning Goldman from working in Europe. However, the Euro is in danger of collapsing and Goldman might threaten worse if they are banned. Think of it as a horse's head in the bed.

We talk about banks that are To Big To Fail. Goldman Sachs is a bank that is To Big To Control. Of course, this is all just wild speculation. Goldman Sachs is really just a puppy dog, Ben Bernanke tells me so.

Not Goldman Sachs business attire.

The Rape of Persephone

Dear old Goldman Sachs is at it again. They are destroying another country's economy, perhaps an entire continent, because, aw heck, it's just so much fun.

As is the Devil's practice, Goldman seduced the Greek government into sin. By devising ways for Greece to hide its national debt Goldman led Greece to its fall and to an economic crisis that may bring down the entire European Union. And Goldman Sachs profited mightily from it.

It's a story as old as Greek mythology. A powerful and lustful god kidnaps and rapes an innocent girl. Who is more powerful, more godlike, in today's world than that ruler of the Underworld, Goldman Sachs?

Statue is The Rape of Persephone by Bernini.

Standard Disclaimer to Goldman Sachs lawyers: My worship of Goldman Sachs' malevolent mastery continues to grow. Forget the altar, I'm going to build an entire temple. Please don't sue me.

The Snow in Washington

So Republicans are all over the snow in Washington D.C. as proof there is no such thing as global warming.

• So far there has been only one foot of snow in Toronto all winter. Washington D.C. has had 4.5 feet. The snow has just moved because a warmer Pacific Ocean has shifted the jet stream.
• The iconic Elfstedentocht, the Super Bowl of Dutch ice skating, is an 11-city, 200 kilometer, one-day race over the Netherland's frozen canals. It has not been run since 1997 because the weather has been too warm and the canals aren't freezing. There is hope that this year there will be enough ice to race.
• Dogsled races are being canceled in Alaska due to a lack of snow.
  
• It is too warm in Vancouver for snow for the Winter Olympics.

When they speak of Global Climate Change they are talking about the entire Earth, not just Sean Hannity's driveway.

Advice for President Obama

Continuing my thesis that all human wisdom can be found in popular music I offer the best advise President Obama will ever get.

It's all right now,
I learned my lesson well.
You see, ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself

~ Ricky Nelson, Garden Party, 1972

The President is going to be accused of being a socialist and terrorist sympathizer no matter what he does so he might as well stop trying to play nice with Rush Limbaugh and John Boehner and get about doing what he thinks is best for the country. He should do what he can through Executive Order and use the "bully pulpit" to pillory, to light up, the Republicans every time they block something in Congress.

Don't take the fire from your eyes
Must make them feel the heat
They build castles underground for the rich and politic elite

~ Men at Work, Underground, 1983

As for the like of Ben Nelson and the handful of congressional Democrats playing both sides, forget about them.

Losing friends
You got nothing to lose,
You don't lose when you lose fake friends

~ Joan Jett, Fake Friends, 1983

The Limits of Cute

I have been staying away from Sarah Palin because I find just about any other topic more entertaining (Root canal, anyone?).

Palin's popularity is based upon her being a MILF (Mother I'd Like to ...engage in sexual intercourse with). She knows it and as her photo spread in Runner's World and her cover on Vogue prove she plays it for all its worth.

An important aspect of MILFdom is being cute in the "insufferably precious" definition of the word. Hence we had The Wink.
You remember The Wink? During the Biden-Palin debate she threw a big old streetwalker come hither wink at the camera. It had the men at the National Review publicly orgasmic. Amazingly, she performed six of those sexual come-ons during the debate. She sprinkles all sorts of cutesy words like "hopey, changey stuff" into her speeches. That's a lot less Winston Churchill and more Jenna Jameson.

Just this last week she went to the cute well again. She was caught using crib notes scribbled on her hand
and that led to lots of jokes about her being an ignorant slut who can't even remember six talking points without cribbing. So, this week while pimping for Texas governor Rick Perry she flashed a "Hi Mom!" scribbled on her palm.

Of course, Palinites are all over how that was the most brilliant move in the history of speech giving since Teddy Roosevelt finished a speech with a bullet lodged in his chest.

We can hope that Sister Sarah has reached the limits of cute. The most recent poll shows 71% believe she is unqualified to be president.

Whatever Happened to Stealthful Military Planning?

O divine art of subtlety and secrecy! Through you we learn to be invisible, through you inaudible. ~ Sun Tzu, The Art of War

The Marines are going to attack the Taliban in Helmand, Afghanistan and they are going around with big brass bands and multiple press conferences announcing it. The are about as invisible as Lindsey Lohan on a Saturday night and about as inaudible as Spinal Tap.

Here's a hint. By the time the Marines get to Helmand the Taliban will have long since faded into the mountains. The Taliban actually know the art of stealth.

The Price of Failure

Headline: Anthem Blue Cross Increases Premiums by 39%. With health care reform now dead health insurance companies are free to squeeze every drop of blood out of their customers victims. Thanks Republicans.

Obama's Small Circle

An oddity of politics is that one has to be open and encompassing, quite literally have a million close friends, in order to get elected. Once elected, the cacophony of all those friends mixes with the complexity of the job to make a totally unbearable mishmash. It doesn't matter if you are a small town councilman or President of the United States, the natural reaction is to try to shut out as much of the noise as possible. Since you can't make the job less complex you start limiting the number of voices you hear.

It is perfectly natural and also incredibly stupid.

Also natural is that your closest aides will encourage you in this self-destructive behavior because they realize that their personal power over you is inversely related to how many people have your ear. If your inner circle is five close advisors and you suddenly decided to increase that circle to 25 then their power diminishes greatly. Your inner circle will naturally fight like rabid animals to keep that circle as small as possible.

Such is the case with President Barack Obama. In my lifetime I don't recall any president who successfully bucked the inertia of their aides to cut them off from their greater network of friends. My gut tells me that Eisenhower and FDR managed it - Ike because he had long experience with headstrong assholes during WWII and Roosevelt because his personality was too strong to be locked away either by polio or advisors. My gut says this but I can't be certain. All the presidents of my lifetime (Clinton, Bush I & II, Reagan, Carter, Nixon, Johnson) ignored their cabinets and allowed access to only a very small circle of advisors.

More recent presidents have had the likes of Rahm Emanuel and Karl Rove. These aides set themselves up as high priests, the only ones allowed direct access to the President. All the others must submit their petitions through the priesthood. It's a bad way to run a life and a worse way to run a country. Still, I understand why it happens. It's human nature.

Tea Party Racism

There are few humans on the face of the Earth more terrified of people with Hispanic surnames than Tom Tancredo. On setting foot in Miami and finding people fluent in Spanish he declared the city "Third World."

It has become a Third World country. You just pick it up and take it and move it someplace. You would never know you’re in the United States of America. You would certainly say you’re in a Third World country. ~ Tom Tancredo

Ironically, his name can be freely translated to mean "extreme belief."

Tancredo's latest venture into the obscene is to call for a revival of Jim Crow Laws to oppress Hispanics. Specifically, he wants a "literacy test before people can vote in this country." Of course, anyone with minimal intelligence (I know that excludes Tancredo) knows that this country used literacy testing for decades to disenfranchise black voters.

Then again, Tancredo's goal is the total disenfranchisement of Hispanic-Americans. In his perfect United States, people with Hispanic surnames would have to pass impossible hurdles to be considered citizens. People born in this country, people who can trace their linage as Americans back several generations, if they have brown skin and Hispanic names are the target of Tancredo's unremitting hatred.

And note. Tancredo is a beloved of the Tea Party crowd.

The Future of a Republican America

Can be found today in Colorado Springs. Colorado Springs is Reagan Country. In 2008, El Paso County gave John McCain a 59%-40% edge. Twenty-two percent of the region believes that Barack Obama was born in Kenya (or the planet Zork). It is 80% white with a lot of those retired military. There are five military bases surrounding Colorado Springs including the Cheyenne Mountain headquarters of Stargate Command. The economy is based on military spending ("War...War...War...Doesn't matter what it's for") and tourism.

And Colorado Springites believe that taxes are the Devil's dues. Last years they rejected by a 2-1 margin a tax increase necessary to prevent a wholesale shutdown of city services. The result is:

• Citizens are being urged to mow public parks with their own lawn mowers as the city can't afford to.
• They won't need to mow the grass for long because park irrigation is ending and the city's green spaces will quickly turn brown.
  
• Trash collection is ending in the parks too so the long, brown grass won't be visible beneath the piles of garbage.
  
• But with the street lights turned out it is going to be hard to find the brown, trash strewn parks.
• With cuts in police services no one but fools or criminals will be going to those dark parks anyhow.
• The street repair budget is being zeroed out meaning an economic boon for local tire shops.
• Museums, rec centers, and swimming pools are all being closed giving tourists no places to go except the aforementioned parks.

This is just the top of a long spiral down. The city relies on sales taxes for most of its revenue and tourists for the sales taxes. What sort of tourists will be attracted to brownscaped parks, shuttered museums, and third-world sized potholes?

Colorado Springs is not some Rust Belt town trying to survive a decades-long depression. It is a well-off ($80,000 median household income) community of Republicans who brag about having the "largest independent gun dealer in Colorado." It is the evangelical mega-church capital of the world (James Dobson and Ted Haggard). The area is chock-a-block with gated communities that don't give a fuck about their neighbors.

The four things (guns, evangelical Christians, Republicans, and gated communities) fit together to form a city that is a blueprint for post-Tea Party America.

Hat tip to Sadly No.

The Tortured Art of Torturer Protection

There is a queer little dance going on to insure no one is punished for all of the torturing that filled the past decade.

• The people who did the torturing get off because they were just following orders.
• The people who planned and justified the torturing get off because they were just ignorant twits.
• The people who ordered the torture get off because....

Okay, this last one is a toughie. Partly, you just don't charge the former president for the war crimes he committed because it wouldn't be collegial. Partly, the current president might want to do the same thing or at least use the results of past torture. Partly, there is an old rule in royalty that the current king does not hang the former king lest hanging kings becomes a habit.

Bottom line? John Yoo will not be punished (except by having to hold his Stanford law classes at secret locations) because being he is only an idiot and didn't get any actual blood on his hands. Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld are found blameless because they were just following the advice of the idiot Yoo. As for the hands-on people connected to torturing people? Hell, they are getting medals.

This doesn't mean nobody is being punished because of the torture. Defense attorneys are still at risk.

The Sound of Silence

How did President Obama's Q&A with congressional Republicans go? The best metric is what rightwing websites are saying about it.

Virtually nothing.

You know that if the President had said something stupid or even the least bit non-genius Republicans would have been all over it today like stink on a skunk. Republicans across the Internet are trying to pretend today that yesterday never happened.

The silence is telling. Barack hit a home run.

Dewey, Cheatum, & Howe

You've got to respect people who have the balls to call lawyers dicks, to their faces.

Sure, there are people who will laugh at lawyers, generically, as a class, I'm not mentioning anyone specifically. Heck, lawyers even laugh at themselves, allegedly.

But Cracked.com had the courage to single out five law firms, by name complete with links to their websites, as totally sick bastards. We're talking law firms that specialize in drug charges that uses images of cocaine in their ads and firms that brag about their ability to clear child molesters of charges by attacking the child in court.

I'm not mirroring Cracked.com's article, not showing any of the specific law firms mentioned, because I don't have a death wish. You can go there and read it yourself. But be quick because Cracked is probably going to be drowning in lawsuits in about six minutes.

Revealing the Number of the Beast

Goldman Sachs by the numbers:

• $8 billion - from the Federal Government due to the AIG bailout.
• $16 billion - Bonuses to top executives.
• $1 million - Donation to Haiti relief.
• $1 million (less $6,000) - Donations to Barack Obama, 2008.
• $6 million - All political donations, 2008.
• 133333% - Return on investment - $6 million invested versus $8 billion bailout.

Standard Disclaimer: The wondrous evil that is Goldman Sachs deserves daily worship. Please don't sue me.

Rules for a Corporatist State

Now that the Supreme Court has made democracy illegal and imposed a Corporatist State on the United States a few new rules are in order.

I have always written that campaign donations are a thinly disguised form of bribery. Obviously, the intent of the Supreme Court is to remove that thin veil and make bribery both legal and respectable for those rich enough to participate. This new Supreme Court reshaping of the nation means that a corporation can invest a couple of million dollars in campaign donations that will directly result in $20 billion in federal contracts. It will be an outstanding return on an investment. So what to do?

Rule #1 - Any corporation which donates over one dollar to any federal election is forbidden to receive any federal contract for 10 years from the date of that donation. Any corporation currently working under a federal contract is forbidden to make donations to any federal election for the duration of the contract.

Rule #2 - No corporation may receive any loan, gift, or bailout from the Federal Government (including the Federal Reserve Bank) under the same restrictions listed above.

Rule #3 - Any corporation which makes donations or membership payments to a collective body (such as a PAC, the Chamber of Commerce, trade associations) and that body, in turn, makes a donation to a federal election will be treated as if the corporation made that donation directly. This is a "no money laundering" rule.

Rule #4 - All publicly held corporations must report annually to their shareholders all donations made in all federal, state, and local elections. Such reports to list the recipient and the amount.

This still won't stop corporations from setting up shell companies to make their donations (the Enron bookkeeping dodge).

Note: With just a little finagling (like in 2012 when Sarah Palin will hire her daughter as a campaign consultant) politicians will be able to move that money into their own pockets. This will quickly make politicians a wealthy class separate from the people and unbeholden to them.

That is why nothing will be passed. Politicians, especially Republican politicians, are already planning the McMansions they will be able to build. Still, there may be a small window if Democrats in Congress want to act now. Aw, who am I kidding?

Post-Democracy

This week the Supreme Court ruled (5-4) that democracy was unconstitutional. The question is, what will replace it?

• Corporatism - Certainly this was the intention of the Roman Catholic conservatives (Kennedy, Alito, Roberts, Scalia, and Thomas) on the Supreme Court. Historically, the most successful Corporatist state was Italy in the 1920's and 30's. It is no accident that one of the leading Corporatists of the time was Pope Pius XI and that his disciple is up for sainthood. Corporatism, put simply, is when a country exists solely for the benefit of corporations. The key element is government and large corporations are valued while individual rights and freedoms are sacrificed. Corporate welfare will be widespread while individual welfare is ignored. Labor will be specifically targeted for oppression.
  
• Kleptocracy - Government by and for thieves. The most successful in recent history was Indonesia in the latter part of the 20th century. Laws are passed through bribery. The government exists to tax the lower and middle classes so money can flow directly into the pockets of a ruling elite. Think Goldman Sachs.
• Plutocracy - Rule by the wealthy. This would be a country where Rupert Murdoch and Richard Scaife tell the government what to do and the government meekly complies. The most successful example is New York City under Michael Bloomberg.
  

Democracy had a nice run and I'm sure we'll miss it. It won't be long now before there is a federal law requiring advertising slogans be tattooed on our foreheads as a condition of employment.

The Failure of Change

There is a lot of soul searching, finger pointing, and just plain angst over the loss of Ted Kennedy's Senate seat. All of it - the Senate loss, the Tea Party Movement, and current polling results - may be the result of the Failure of Change.

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. ~ Barack Obama, Feb. 5 2008

Corporate management bookshelves are filled with tomes on why change fails and how to overcome the powerful force of organizational inertia. The most striking thing about the Obama Administration is how similar it is to the Bush Administration. The backbeat is certainly different but the song is the same.

The Gitmo Prison crimes continue. The wars not only continue but continue to grow and continue to consume both money and men. Bankers and stockbrokers continue to steal from shareholders and taxpayers with not just the acquiescence but the active help of government. Health Care Reform entered the sausage grinder of Congress and came out a stinking mess. The economy and employment continues to stagger between Depression and stagnation.

This is not to imply that Barack Obama does not want the change he spoke of. What happened is that each time he attempted to implement a change in direction for the country the headwinds were too strong and he was blown back on the wrong course. Examples:

• Obama Closed Gitmo. He ordered it closed by tomorrow. Yet Gitmo stays open because Newton's Laws of Motion applies to societies as well as physics. The inertia to keep Gitmo unchanged was stronger than then effort to close it.
• Iraq and Afghanistan. Senior officers need active wars to get medals.
  Businesses need active wars to get their multi-billion dollar contracts. Politicians are infinitely more afraid of being blamed for ending a war than being blamed for starting one. The result is, last month President Barack Obama gave a speech that Candidate Obama would have vigorously condemned. He gave a Nobel Peace Prize speech defending war.
• TARP. While the rules set in February 2009 were not harsh they were nonetheless rules. Top tier bankers are used to setting onerous conditions on borrowers, they don't like following rules themselves. One by one the rules have been neutered, negated, or ignored. Even the most frivolous corporate outings have been declared vital to economic recovery.
• Health Care Reform. Don't get me started on what has happened to that except to remember the old saying that anyone who loves sausage or the law should never see either one being made.
• Economy. Efforts to boost the economy, especially employment, have failed in large part by through concerted Republican efforts to block everything on the theory that four years of Depression will mean a Republican landslide in 2012.

Unlike all those writers and corporate consultants, I don't have any advice on how bring change to a government that seems locked on a course into the rocks. I know what needs to happen. Democrats in Congress, especially in the Senate, need to lock up their egos and shelve their individuality. If President Obama can accomplish that he can skip past any future Nobel prizes and go straight to sainthood.

We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately. ~ Ben Franklin 1776

Stupid Arrogance in Football and Politics

The two most similar things in the universe today is Martha Coakley and the San Diego Chargers. Democrat Coakley is running for the safest Democratic Senate seat in the nation, Massachusetts, and it looks like she may lose, perhaps lose big. The Chargers had an 11 game winning streak,were arguably the best team in football, and had a homefield advantage against a New York Jets team that was lucky just to be playing in January. The Chargers lost by three and, frankly, it wasn't that close.

The weird thing is that both Coakley and the Chargers had exactly the same game plan.

Start by Looking Inevitable
Coakley won her primary in a walk, by 19 points; she had a 31 point lead against the Republican in December. The Chargers repeated, and repeated, that nobody, not even the NFL's top defense, could stop their cadre of tall receivers. Every pundit from David Gregory to Jim Rome agreed that Coakley and the Chargers were both unbeatable.

Jog Through the First Half Decently
As late as January 10, Coakley had a 15 percent lead. Using the old football axiom that mistakes lose games, she was determined to make no mistakes. So determined was she, she hardly showed her face in the state at all.

The Chargers took an early 7-0 lead and, with the Jets barely able to get first downs, the Chargers convinced themselves that all they had to do was avoid mistakes and those seven points would be enough to win.

No Halftime Adjustments
Coakley's "do nothing" strategy seemed such a hit in the polls she saw no need for added energy as the election drew near. She was confident she was running the perfect campaign. Slight movement in the polls toward her opponent, Scott Brown, were dismissed as meaningless. His campaigning was ignored as Coakley pretended Brown didn't exist. Brown, on the other hand, was everywhere. He shook so many hands he probably had to ice down his elbow every evening. If he was going to lose, nobody was going to accuse him of not trying.

The Chargers, at halftime, had a tiny lead that should have been bigger. They concluded their offense would click eventually while their defense would continue to completely dominate the Jets. Why waste time making adjustment when perfect is perfect. The Jets, meanwhile, sweat blood studying the first half. They made major adjustments, especially on offense. If they couldn't run the ball then, by God, they would pass it and if that meant losing then at least they would go down swinging.

Panic Late
As the race tightened in the final fortnight Coakley and her staff started to panic. They didn't have a game plan for a close election and they began to act and overreact without thinking. Panic led to mistakes and those mistakes led to still more mistakes.

In the second half, the Chargers were faced with something unimaginable. The Jets were moving the ball. By passing. The Chargers had no game plan for this and overreacted trying to shut down the pass thus opened up running lanes. The Chargers offense, in turn, still wasn't clicking and panic set in. Panicked players make mistakes that lead to inopportune penalties and turnovers.

Conclusion
The Chargers had a late chance to tie the game but it would have been through luck, not design. Football teams that depend on luck seldom win. Coakley, too, might squeak out a victory tonight but it will take a shitload of luck.

Martha Coakley should have won easily. She had an easy campaign strategy, the great majority of Bay Staters agree with Coakley on the issues and disagree with Brown. If she had run her campaign by addressing issues she would be sitting pretty tonight. But, she was afraid of mistakes and instead ran a risk-free campaign that avoided nasty things like war and health care. She decided to run as "The Democrat" and nothing else. She surrendered the initiative to her opponent and he had the temerity to grab it. Democrats who vote for Brown will eventually regret it. But the sin is that Coakley didn't give those Democrats any reason to vote for her.

If the Chargers played the Jets ten times in the regular season they would win nine. If the Chargers play the Jets ten times in the playoffs they would lose every time. The Chargers shelved their high-risk, high-reward offense. They were afraid of making mistakes and so surrendered the initiative to the team willing to take chances.

Fortune favors the brave in football and politics.

All Bankers Are Evil

The Transaction Fee Suck-off
I like pointing out that Goldman Sachs is the devil's investment bank but that is unfair to all the other major banking institutions.

Consider the Haiti earthquake disaster. Of the parasites sucking money away from the relief effort the most egregious are the credit card banks. Three percent of every cash donation is going to feed the profit sheets of American Express, Visa, and MasterCard. To put it in terms of blood, for every 100 Haitians who could be saved by the relief effort, three will die to fatten the bankers.

Remembering Woodie Guthrie
Many years ago I heard an old, scratchy recording of Woodie's radio show. He was telling a story about a banker. I can't find a transcript so here is my rendition.

It was the Depression that was a banker in Oklahoma noted for his cruelty. While all bankers are cruel, this man was exceptionally so. He had one glass eye. Nobody knows how he lost his eye but folks thereabouts surmised it had been part of a transaction he had had with the Devil. Anyway, this banker liked to toy with his debtors like a cat does with a mouse. When he went out to foreclose on a farm he would offer the farmer one more month, at interest, if he guessed which was the banker's glass eye and which was the real eye.

One day the banker played this game with an old farmer out past Dill City. The farmer looked at the banker for quite a spell and then confidently said that the right eye was glass and the left real.

"Well," said the banker, "you are right, old man. Almost no one guesses right. Did someone tell you?"

"No one told me," the farmer said. "I just looked at your eyes. One was dead and cold and heartless. The other had the smallest, slightly, faintest reflection of humanity and the milk of human kindness. I knew that eye had to be made of glass. Your real eye was the one that was cold and heartless."

The Winter from Hell

January has been a horrible weather month in SoCal. Okay, I realize most of you don't think that moderate temperatures, crystal clear skies, and not a drop of rain is horrible. But, you don't have my body. My seasonal allergies interprets the above weather pattern as a sign of the Apocalypse.

Allergies are really just the body panicking. Expose my body to very dry air and it becomes convinced it is locked in a giant convection oven the brain hasn't noticed and floods the sinuses and lungs with fluids. You can't reason with your body, it won't listen. You're all "come on, it's just a nice day" while the body is screaming "we're all going to die!!!!"

My body's panic when exposed to alternating dry, cool, outdoor weather and warm, even dryer, indoor conditions is to overcompensate. My lungs fill with mucus (not asthma but asthma-like, according to my doctor) so I feel like I'm drowning, my sinuses start running like Niagara Falls (rhinitis) and feel like they are filled with concrete.

If I take enough anti-histamine to sedate a bull elephant I can suppress the symptoms but then about the only thing I am good for is hibernating. The only bright side is, if I am every taken prisoner and waterboarded, it won't be so bad. It can't be worse than what my body does to me.

Remarkably close to what my body does to me every Winter.

Dreams and Reality

The Dream - Last night I dreamt I met the actress Demi Moore. While I was totally out of my league I still managed to be charmingly witty and we shared several good laughs. You can't tell from her photos, but in my dream Demi (I feel I can call you Demi now) has freckles that make her face look a little dirty. And, no potty brain, we did not have sex. Demi Moore is a classy lady and it was our first dream together.

Reality - While I was dreaming about Demi Moore a possum was taking a crap in the small patch of grass in my backyard.

Reality sucks.

Don't Make Satan Angry

Two Goldman Sachs posts in two days. Talk about tempting the devil.

These people are really tempting The Evil One by filing lawsuits against Goldman and its CEO Lloyd Blankfein. Of course they "wholly abdicated their fiduciary duty." That's like saying kittens breath.

Not the Goldman Sachs CEO.

It's what they do and they did it with a song in their hearts. The question is not whether or not Blankfein cheated his shareholders. He cheats the Feds, why should he balk at stealing from shareholders? The question is what will Blankfein do if he becomes angry.

Possible view of Goldman Sachs CEO
testifying before Congress.

The Devil's Minion

When the credit-default swaps shit hit the fan a couple of years ago the Devil's own investment bank, Goldman Sachs, had a problem. They had insured their insane investments through AIG using their insane investments a collateral and AIG was busted.

If the natural course of free enterprise was followed then Goldman Sachs would have had to write off their bad debts and all of their executives that had come to expect massive Christmas bonuses as well as those elaborate parties where the still warm blood of virgins was drunk would have had to tighten their belts for a season or two.

Fortunately for Goldman Sachs they had an obsequious minion named Timothy Geithner at the New York Federal Reserve Bank. The Fed put up the money so virgin blood could continue to flow and conspired with AIG to cover up the transactions because satanic covens are best held in secret.

Standard Disclaimer: Goldman Sachs is the most wonderful, most perfect company in history. I worship Goldman Sachs as I would only the greatest demon spawn of Hell.

Bristol Palin - Consultant (??)

What does a nineteen year-old who previous political experience consists of being pregnant during mummy's national election bring to the table that professionals with twenty and thirty years of experience in politics and public relations lack? The answer is, nothing useful. So what good is Bristol Palin's new consulting firm?

That answer is that mummy Sarah plans to begin running for President. Sarah will need a conduit for the bribes and under-the-table cash Sarah wants to collect that immunizes her from charges of corruption. Anyone who questions Bristol's activities will be immediately attacked for the vile act of being mean to Sarah's family.

The Lost Decade

HuffPost is calling the '00s "The Lost Decade" and that is as appropriate as anything to describe the decade dominated by George Bush Jr. Perhaps most telling is that rightwing blogs are just ignoring the whole change of decade thing and pretending the past ten years never happened at all.

According to Cracked.com, as decades go the '00s were worse than most but not the worst ever. They are right that the 1930's (the decade-long Great Depression, rise of Adolf Hitler) and the 1910's (World War I, rise of Communism, and the Spanish Flu that killed 100 million world wide) were worse. They may even be right that the 1960's (Vietnam War, assassinations galore) was a worse decade than the '00s but I believe the good of that decade (the successes of the Civil Rights struggle, a fairly good economy, and the music) counterbalances the bad and made the 1960's tolerable.

The trouble with the '00s is that there is almost nothing good you say about the decade. I mean, the best part was the communications revolution (cell phones, iPods, and the blossoming of the Internet) and in no way outweighs the horrible parts (the Lesser Depression, the Great Tsunami, Katrina, radical Islam, radical Republicanism, George Bush Jr.).

The 2010's may turn out well, I hope so. Or it may be the decade when global climate change becomes irreversible. If so, then the 2010's may be remembered by our posterity as the worst decade in the history of mankind.

Why Do Republicans Hate the Constitution?

Another incompetent fails at being a terrorist, this time only managing to burn off his pants. In response Republicans are again shouting from the rafters that the Constitution must be thrown away.

Now, I'll grant at this time of year it's the thought that counts and Umar Farouk AbdulMutallab thought about being a terrorist. But he only accomplished being an inept fool. I'll even grant there probably are some more al Qaeda fools who might not be so inept and that better diligence and less bureaucratic nonsense is needed by the government.

Yet, somehow, whenever some unrealized threat occurs Republicans start screaming "the Constitution is not a suicide pact" and demanding it be thrown in the trash to prove how tough we are. I really wish Republicans would grow a couple of balls and stop being terrified of shadows.

They Labored Mightily, and Brought Forth a Mouse

Maybe it will be better than it looks but it looks like a Christmas present for big pharma and big insurance. Maybe the conference committee will cobble together an improvement. But, at first glance, it looks like the Senate put a great deal of effort into a health care reform bill that will do very little for the millions who need help most.

A mountain was in labor, sending forth dreadful groans, and there was in the region the highest expectation. After all, it brought forth a mouse. ~ Phaedrus (Roman writer, first cent. AD)

The Power of Prayer

It's a staple of television series that run out of ideas to do an episode where a magical entity grants some wishes. Always, the wishes backfire because the wish isn't phrased in exactly the right way. (The best of these, of course a Xena episode titled "The Quill Is Mightier," is still pretty lousy.)

This is in way of an introduction to the funny story where Republican fundamentalists prayed that God smite down an unnamed senator to prevent him from making the health care reform vote. They meant for the Almighty to target Sen. Robert Byrd and they meant for God to murder him. Because the prayer was not precise, God picked the most ignorant and incompetent human in the Senate, Jim Inhofe. God, not being they bloodthirsty psychopath that Republican fundamentalists believe in, didn't kill Inhofe He just made Inhofe absent.

By the by, Inhofe's excuse for missing the vote sounds like a lie. The official reason, Inhofe "was absent to fly his wife home to Oklahoma," seems silly as if his wife can't board a plane without an escort. More likely Inhofe was sleeping in with his mistress and couldn't be bothered voting.

Creatures of Habit

We are all creatures of habit. We can do most things without even thinking about them; our bodies take charge and do them for us. ~ Earl Nightingale

It is amazing how much of our lives are on autopilot. We do things without thinking. Consider your morning routine. Everything from waking up to making breakfast to getting dressed gets done unconsciously, or almost so. Our brains can be off doing all sorts of serious thinking while our habits take care of business.

Now, take those habits away for a week and replace them with nothing, say spending a week in a hospital. Those habits become foggy. The routine of nothing has replaced the routine of doing. When you get back to your life the first thing you notice is that you have to think about what used to just happen. What used to be automatic now requires conscious thought. It seems weird, even bizarre, perhaps even frightening like you have lost part of your mind as you consciously walk yourself through life's routines.

But it is perfectly normal. A few days back in your normal settings, hearth and home, and the habits reassert themselves. Life becomes routine again. Comfortable again. The brain can safely wander off again as your body gets back into the rhythm of taking care of itself.

This is one of the odd little facts of human life.

How to Lie With Statistics - Fox News Style

Think Progress has been tracking the math-challenged folk at Fox News. Last month Fox pegged support for Republican candidates for president in 2012 at 193%. This month they are doing some fuzzy math over the global warming debate, finding that 94% of the public supported Fox's position (out of a polling total of 120%).

If the book How to Lie with Statistics isn't in your library it ought to be.