Wednesday, November 21, 2012

One Month To the End of the World

We only have one more month before the Mayan calendar and "ancient alien theorists" (History Channel trademark) predict the end of days. It's metaphysics time.

God the Jokester
God has a wicked sense of humor, just ask Harold Camping who convinced millions of people last year to sell all their belongings and prepare for Rapture on God's say so. That was a knee slapper. God's latest prank was whispering to Pat Robertson that Mitt Romney was going to be elected President. Guaranteed! Damn, Jesus is still giggling over that one.

How Did the Universe Begin?
The Jatravartid people, however, believe that the Universe was sneezed out of the nose of a being called the Great Green Arkleseizure. They live in perpetual fear of the time they call "The Coming of the Great White Handkerchief" ~ Douglas Adams
At the other end, there is a great debate among Republicans whether the universe was created six or ten thousand years ago. Marco Rubio has tried to straddle that contentious question by stating that science is just a matter of personal opinion.

Sex and the Acolyte
Republican religionists have been obsessing about sex recently. They content that David Petraeus fucked his paramour Paula Broadwell because gays in the military corrupted his morals. There is Lisa Biron who served the Lord fight against homosexuals by transporting an underage girl across the border into Canada to use her in pornography. Of course there were the two Senate candidates that screwed their chances over their bizarre rape opinions. That, at least, was understandable when you remember that Jesus was a rape baby.

1 comment:

Katy Anders said...

I'm not a scientist, man!

I think I've got this whole religion thing figured out. I just need to find a threat WORSE than threatening everyone with burning for all of eternity.

Maybe I can say if YOU mess up, I will go after you and all of your loved ones and family for eternity, burn the whole lot of you, while letting your arch enemy eternally do your wife.

If I can just out-threat the big monotheisms, I will be set for life.