The Devil's Dictionary (Updated)

Starting in 1881, Ambrose Bierce began writing his Devil's Dictionary with definitions more accurate than those of Noah Webster.

Austerity (n) - An economic theory that forces the working class to suffer for the excesses of the rich.

Collateral Damage (n) - An armed forces tactic composed of bombing the crap out of innocent women and children on the off chance of surprising a terrorist.

Corporation (n) - (See People)

Elections (n) - In Italy, an unpopular situation comedy.

Freedom Fighter (n) - A revolutionary opposed to oppression by a dictatorship the United States disapproves of. (See Terrorist)

Gerrymandering (n) -  Formerly a corrupt political practice of drawing bizarre political boundaries to insure one political party wins elections even while having fewer votes. Currently an honored political practice of drawing bizarre political boundaries to insure the Republican Party wins elections even while having fewer votes.

Jim Crow Laws (n) - (see Voter ID)

Magazine (n) - Formerly a periodical printed on paper and delivered through the mail. Now a container holding 100 bullets, the minimum number of rounds required for drunken louts to go squirrel hunting and return with one desiccated corpse.

Mail (n) - An archaic form of communication whereby someone would write words on a piece of paper and it would be delivered by a conscientious employee of the Federal government.

People (n) - Formerly mortal beings of the species Homo Sapiens. Currently defined to include immortal entities engaged in the exercise of exploiting Homo Sapiens for profit.

Religion (n) - A universal excuse for hate.

Second Amendment (n) - Formerly a law to allow Davy Crockett to carry a flintlock Kentucky long rifle into the wilderness while hunting bear. Currently interpreted to allowing Billy Bob Hatfield to carry an AR-15 assault rifle to the corner drug store to buy a tin of chewing tobacco.

Sequestration (n) - (See  Austerity)

Terrorist (n) - A revolutionary opposed to oppression by a dictatorship the United States approves of. (See Freedom Fighter)

Voter ID - (See Jim Crow Laws)