Friday, April 01, 2011

Presidential Candidates Less Sane than Sarah Palin

The biggest April Fools joke I can find is the truth. The stable of Republican candidates for President actually make Sarah Palin seem lucid.

Herman Cain has a tough row to hoe as he appeals to the Jesse Helms wing of the Republican Party given that he grew up black in the segregationist South. But Cain liked the Jim Crow Laws. He found them inspirational.
Cain for President: 
He Ain't No Uppity Black

Mike Huckabee
Huckabee doesn't believe in gentle persuasion, not when the Constitution give his supporters guns. Like Chairman Mao, Huckabee believes people should be indoctrinated at gunpoint.
Mike Huckabee: 
The hammer which we use to crush the enemy.

Newt Gingrich: Named for a slimy amphibian and the villain in a Dr. Suess book, Newt is the only candidate who can have a full scale debate with himself. He has taken both sides on Libya. He believes that adultery is both an impeachable offense and the ultimate act of patriotism.
Newt Sings 
God Bless America 
While Fucking You

Rick Santorum
An old-school conservative, 11th century old. While Herm Cain defends segregation and Newt defends screwing around, Santorum is still trying to defend the Crusades. Rick is campaigning on the platform that the Crusaders were a kind of hippie, peace and love movement.
Santorum for President:

Then there are the two craziest who I almost forgot.

Michele Bachmann
Bachmann is the Tea Party candidate, which says all one needs to know about the Tea Party.
Bachmann For President
Don't Try to Get Into Her Head,
It's Scary In There

Donald Trump
Donald Trump says he is qualified to be President because he once defrauded Moammar Gadhafi in a real estate swindle. Then, his frequent bankruptcies proves his ability to run the economy.
Trump! It's the Hair!!

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