The Bible as Porn

If you are of a mind to look for it, the Bible's Old Testament is just brimming with sexy passages. Cracked.com found the Six Raunchiest.

Incest
In Genesis (19:30-36), Lot's two daughters get their old man drunk and have sex with him. Not just any random sex either but Let's Get Preggers by Daddy sex. This is the same Lot who offered up these same daughters for gang rape in Sodom (Gen. 19:8) but the girls were so ugly the mob didn't want them.

Masturbation
Onan's daddy ordered him to marry his own dead brother's wife, Tamar (Judah 38:8-10). Onan did as ordered but chose masturbation over putting a loaf in Tamar's oven. God was so pissed at this he smote Onan. Forget going blind, jerking off can get a guy killed.

More Incest
Tamar, frustrated by the whole Onan affair, dressed up as a whore, went into a brothel, and bedded Onan's dad, her own father-in-law (Gen 38:15-16). From this incestuous hook up begins the line that leads to King David and Jesus Christ.

Biblical Soft Core
The Song of Solomon is all about a guy and a girl having hot, Middle Eastern sex. It is straight up soft core pornography dating back to 965 BC. We don't know who the woman is giving that the author, King Solomon, had 700 wives and 300 hundred concubines.

Gay Incest
Cracked missed this one. After the Flood, Noah tied one on and passed out naked in his tent (Gen. 9:21-25). Noah's youngest son, Ham, entered the tent and saw his naked dad. Biblical scholars disagree on what happened next. At best, Ham fetched his brothers and they played peek-a-boo with Noah's Johnson. At worst, Ham took a more hands-on examination of Noah's pecker. Anyway, Noah was angry and cursed Ham's child, Canaan. The poor kid didn't do anything wrong but he's the one who got the curse.

Note: I am not so much lazy as preoccupied I really don't feel like doing any independent research or political reading so I just stole (that's the right word) from the research done by Cracked.com.