Thompson: When a Joke Becomes a Candidate

He has come through it all smelling like a rose. I am certain that will be the next attack - Obama smells too sweet to be President. ~ A Little Reality, May 5

When I wrote the above line I was trying to be funny. What is the most outlandish thing I can think of? How about judging a person's qualifications for becoming President of the United States by how he smells? I figured that was totally absurd. Looks like I underestimated American pundits again.

On June 13, MSNBC's Chris Matthews said of Republican heart throb Fred Thompson, "Can you smell the English leather on this guy, the Aqua Velva, the sort of mature man’s shaving cream, or whatever, you know, after he shaved? Do you smell that sort of — a little bit of cigar smoke?" Chris Matthews, like a closeted homosexual hiding his hard-on, is waxing longingly over how sexy he imagines Thompson smells.

Smittened Republicans will tell you Fred Thompson is the reincarnation of actor turned president Ronald Reagan. Yet, like him or not, Reagan earned the right to be president. Beginning in 1963, Reagan traveled the country giving speeches promoting his conservative philosophy and raising money for Republican candidates. He was elected governor of California in 1966 and served two terms. He ran for president in 1976 and lost. The next four years, Reagan traveled the country giving speeches promoting his conservative philosophy and raising money for Republican candidates.

What has Fred Thompson done? He retired from the Senate to become a full-time actor at the easiest gig in the profession. Pretending to be Manhatten district attorney on TV's Law and Order requires learning a couple of pithy lines a week and reciting them dourly. I would be surprised if his work week is 30 minutes long. Has he spent his massive amounts of free time giving speeches to promote his philosophy or help Republican candidates? Ah, no.

His first real speech in years, on May 7 in California, was such a monumental flop even Robert Novak (who one would expect to be sniffing at Thompson's behind like a basset hound in heat) didn't like it.

What is Thompson's political philosophy? As George Will points out, he doesn't have one. Will writes that Thompson is "99 percent charm, and 1 percent substance." I'm still waiting for that 1 percent to show itself. Thompson has rugged looks, a deep voice, and a musky odor. And he is tall. Republicans believe physical height is a preeminent qualification for public office. Republicans don't seem to care what a candidate believes in as long as he looks, sounds, and smells sexy. I half expect the next Republican debate to include a swinsuit competition.

It doesn't seem possible, but Republicans may nominate the only person on the planet less qualified to be President of the United States than George W. Bush.