Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Great Moments In Dumbfuckery

United CEO Oscar Munoz can thank Sean Spicer for making him the second dumbest person of the week.

Hitler Was Not 'Using Gas On His Own People'
Fingernail scratches on the wall of an Auschwitz gas chamber.
Presidential spokesperson Sean Spicer wanted to claim that Syrian President Bashar Assad is the worst person in human history which, of course, means saying he is worse than Hitler. So Sean fudged history, a lot. In the end, Sean stumbled through a press briefing (and three later clarifications) in an epic display of dumbfuckery that will stain Spicer for the rest of his life.

'There Is No Soviet Domination of Eastern Europe'
Russian tank in Prague, 1968
President Gerald Ford in the 1976 election was trying to sound tough on Russia when he declared the thirty year old oppression of Eastern Europe had never happened. When given the chance to walk back his statement that Russia hadn't either annexed or installed puppet governments in ten countries, Ford boldly listed several occupied countries, declaring each free and sovereign states.

'In Defiance of Both Our Crew and Security Officials'
United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz wanted to defend his employees when they had a passenger roughed up and dragged, bleeding, from the plane like a pig to slaughter.  The best he could come up with was to describe a quiet, 70 year-old doctor like he were a violent young ruffian. This description was put in an internal memo to United employees and completely contradicted the public PR pablum he had been spewing.

'We Care About the Small People'
Shrimp farmer Dianne Wilson
British Petroleum Chairman Carl-Henric Svanberg was trying to undo the PR disaster of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill that had be compounded by BP's arrogant prick of a CEO, Tony Hayward, when he uttered this gem. Nothing says compassion than comparing the victims of a disaster to drowning pygmies.

Hayward had started the dumbfuckery when, in his posh Oxford accent, he described the spill as "relatively tiny." The day after pledging to Congress that the spill and clean up would have his undivided attention, Hayward flew back to England to participate is a millionaire yacht race.

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