Monday, May 06, 2013

This Arrest Brought to You By Pizza Hut

The British have come up with an idea that will certainly migrate to the United States in no time. Corporate sponsorship of police departments.
Austerity riddled communities in England and Wales are desperate to fund local services. The solution? Corporate sponsorship of their police. Initially this will involve pasting advertising decals on police cars, making them look more like NASCAR than law enforcement. But good old Yankee ingenuity can certainly improve on this.
  • Pizza Hut Police - Using police cars to deliver pizza will both speed up delivery times, they can use their sirens to insure the pizza arrives hot, but tips mean police salaries can be cut.
  • Geico Prison - Corporate sponsors can pay for the naming rights of jails just like they do with sports stadia. Crooked CEOs can buy their own private luxury boxes. This will be big money.
  • Arrest Sponsorship - When police are ready to arrest a suspect they can sell exclusive advertising rights to the arrest. High profile arrests will bring a higher price than routine pot busts meaning police will start focusing on the bigger crooks. When the Goldman Sachs CEO is arrested you can expect a bidding war between JPMorgan Chase and Citi Bank for the rights to the arrest.
  • Don't Forget Judges - Of course, police uniforms can have several advertising patches. If millionaire golfers do it, why can't police? But those black robes are a waste of valuable ad space. Bail bondsmen will pay a pretty penny to have arrangement judges wearing hats advertising their services.
  • Spokespersons - Spokespersons shouldn't just stick to the facts when the department can be compensated when police pitch products during press conferences.
  • Change Miranda - "You have the right to remain silent. You have the right to hire a competent attorney at reasonable rates like Richard Pryde, Attorney-at-law. Half-price if he doesn't get you off." Police can hand out brochures, too.
  • Interrogation Sales - Police interrogations are a perfect place for high pressure salesmanship. Police may not get a confession but they still can sell the suspect a new car or refrigerator. Remember, lots of criminals are flush with cash from their recent crimes.
The marketing options of the modern police force are an untapped opportunity.

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