Thursday, May 03, 2012

Pet Peeves

Things that set my curmudgeonly blood boiling.

There is a guy in my neighborhood who has erected a six-foot tall cross in his front yard. That's not too annoying (it's his own property and he can do what he wants there) because he has not yet tried to shove his bible down my throat. What really ticks me off is people who try to use the government to spread their religious beliefs or, more often, their religious hatreds.

Monster Trucks
They are an urban hillbilly thing owned by young men with insufficiently sized penises and an overwhelming fear they might be gay. Their elevated suspension puts their front bumper at just the right height to smash through the side windows and kill anyone in a normal sized car.

I've long ago decided that if I ever became a terrorist it would be an eco-terrorist and I would dedicate me crazy to firebombing the businesses that sell these evil devises. They are pure, unadulterated recreational vandalism that is approved by government because it is middle-class Republican recreational vandalism.

Leaf Blowers
If I ever go postal and become a mass murderer I would shoot people with leaf blowers. They are ear splitting, jet engine noisy and they are completely worthless. All they do is blow the leaves into the neighbor's yard. He, in turn, has to hire landscapers to blow them into his neighbor's yard. And so on, around the block the leaves go until they end up back in the first guy's yard again so his landscapers can renew the circuit.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I do not know the source of the following quote: "Christianity: The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree." Wow...I'm convinced...