Declaration of Iraqi Colonial Status

In a joint declaration Monday, the government of Iraq declared their nation a permanent possession of the United States of America; the USA agreed to accept ownership of the country. Couched in meaningless diplomatic blather, the declaration has three main components -

• The United States shall maintain a permanent military occupation whose principal responsibility will be to protect the colonial government of Nouri al-Maliki from any and all coups and independence movements;
• The United Nations shall be instructed to extend the temporary ownership of Iraq by the United States for one more year,
• During which time the exact nature of the ownership of Iraq will be crafted by the Bush Administration and imposed upon the Iraqi people.

The economic aspect of the colonial ownership of Iraq is of paramount importance. While the exact wording has yet to be drafted the general direction of the American ownership of Iraq has been known for some time.

• All business activity inside Iraq will be directed by American corporations subject to their payment of sufficient bribes to American colonial civil servants, American military personnel, friends and political supporters of the current American president, and Iraqi politicians.
• All Iraqi natural resources will be wholly owned by American corporations, subject to their payment of sufficient bribes.
  
• Iraqis agree to provide their most beautiful young daughters as prostitutes for the entertainment of their American masters.
• While revolts and independence movements shall be violently suppressed, criminal gangs shall be encouraged as long as they pay sufficient bribes.