Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Fly

When I first read that PETA was upset over President Obama killing a fly on national television I thought it was a hoax, an Onion headline that got swallowed by a gullible MSM editor. It looks like I was wrong.

When it comes to the sanctity of all life I am probably more respectful than most. If a praying mantis or ladybug is lost inside my home I will carefully catch it and release it back outside. I have to be in a very bitter mood to drown a spider trapped in my bathtub. Usually I help it to get out before I turn on the water. I'm a lousy golfer in large part because I reflexively flinch at cutting a divot because I don't want to scar the Earth.

But even I have my limits. If a mosquito lands on me for a few drops of my blood I'll slap her dead without a second thought. I don't care if she is just trying to feed her children. She can feed off a horse or a pig, but my arm is verboten. I see a cockroach I kill said cockroach. No qualms.

Ants can have their run outside and I won't bother them. But, if one crosses my threshold I execute it. You can't negotiate with ants over appropriate spheres of influence. They just won't listen. I wouldn't mind rats so much except they pee and poop over everything, carry fleas, and track in all sorts of diseases.

Which leads to an entire class of animals that my body is hostile to without even asking my permission. An invading colony of bacteria is certain to face full scale war from my immune system without even considering the social/ethical ramifications of that war.

All this leads to flies. Flies serve a function in the grand scheme of life. They are nature's garbagemen, dealing neatly with excrement and rotting flesh and flora. Without flies we would be up to our ears in shit and carrion. However, none of that can be found inside my house. A fly indoors faces starvation, which is a sad fate even for a fly. The best they can hope for is being a dessicated corpse on some windowsill. They should think of me and my flyswatter as a humanitarian putting them out of their misery.

PETA serves a useful function that is undermined when they defend the right of a fly to buzz the President. Note to PETA: The Katcha Bug is completely useless for capturing a house fly; it is only good for catching crawling insects.

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