Tuesday, December 02, 2014

How to Avoid Getting Shot By a Cop

Pasty white conservatives whose only experience with the police is leadfooting it down the highway are giving tons of advice to real Americans on how to not get shot. Their advice is seldom useful. If you don't want to become a victim (you will not become a statistic because the United States deliberately refuses to keep statistics on police shootings of civilians) here is a little real world advice.

Don't Be a Minority
Your odds of getting shot by a cop go up dramatically if you are Black, Hispanic, or Native American. In Oakland, for example, none of the 45 civilians shot by police between 2004 and 2008 were white. You may say you don't have a choice and that is certainly true, But as may conservative commentators have pointed out recently, when a minority is shot by a cop it's his own fault. Plastic surgery can help.

Don't Be Young
(see picture above)
Police are terrified of young people. If Tamir Rice had been 82 instead of 12 he'd be alive today. Cops think of it as preventive policing, getting them off the streets before they become threats.

Be a Woman
Virtually everybody shot by police are men. There are exceptions. Do not drive a car. Police can develop road rage against women drivers and take pot shots at them. Also, don't be a pretty woman. Cara Knott (above) made the mistake of driving while pretty. She was pulled over by CHP officer Craig Peyer, raped, and murdered. Then there are the cases when police shoot women thinking they are men. On second thought, you don't want to be a woman around cops either.

Don't Be Naked
Police seem to shoot naked men a lot. Police always claim they felt threatened by the naked men, although in this case the cop didn't even bother getting out of his car and just shot the naked man through his car window. I suspect the cops shoot because they are afraid of touching naked penis.

Be Rich
Cops don't shoot the wealthy. The exception is that cops will shoot rich, black dudes. Hell, if you're a millionaire you can literally get away with murder.

Don't Have a Weapon, Also Don't Not Have a Weapon
In that Oakland study mentioned above, 40% of the civilians shot by police were unarmed. It really doesn't make a difference to police whether or not someone has a gun, a toy gun, or is stark naked. Whether or not you get shot by a cop is more dependent on race than whether or not you are carrying a weapon.

Don't Drive a Car, or Walk, or Stay Home, or in Bed 
I've searched the internet for places where an innocent or unarmed person has not been shot by police. I can't find a safe place. Hell, police have accidentally shot and killed themselves on the gun range.

The best advice I can give you is to treat police officers the same way you would treat a rabid pit bull. Avoid them whenever possible. If you can't avoid them don't do anything to anger or frighten them. Remember they may have had a fight with their wives or a bad case of hemorrhoids and should not be allowed anywhere near a deadly weapon. Yet they do have weapons and a license to kill with near impunity.

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