Guido "The Pig" Sardocki, (mug shot at left) head of the largest crime family in Oshkosh, calls in his team of lawyers."I plan on robbing the First National Bank of Oshkosh and I want youse guys to write up some reason why that's perfectly legal, yeah?"
Most lawyers, after sitting down with their families and updating their wills, would gently explain to The Pig that he can do anything he want because he is the boss of bosses but there is no way they can make robbing a bank look legitimate. But, Guido is a wise crime boss. His lawyers are named Yoo, Bybee, and Bradbury.
They advise The Pig that if he only takes half the money from the bank and leaves half behind then it wouldn't rise to the level of a "bank robbery." They advise that, rather than kneecapping the uncooperative bank teller, Guido should slam the teller against a wall several times, hit him in the stomach, and dunk his head in the toilet "taking care not to cause any permanent injuries." They advise that Guido, because he once stub his toe while entering the bank, is fully justified in any subsequent actions he takes under the doctrine of Self Defense. They reference the story of Robin Hood, getting all the material facts wrong, and tell The Pig if during the getaway he gives a tenner to the homeless guy on the street corner then Guido has fully justified his actions and, in fact, the bank robbery has become a noble act of self-sacrifice by The Pig.
Guido is overjoyed. In gratitude, he makes one of his lawyers a crooked judge.
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