Friday, January 24, 2014

Republican 2016 Morning Line

Lots of people, even some I respect, are speculating who the Republicans will field in 2016. It's way early but I bored so I will play the game.

The Governors
Lots of Republicans think they have a strong team of governors to choose from. Really?

Chris Christie (20 to 1)
The problem with being an asshole who garners support through threats is that when the fear is lifted "supporters" quickly start looking for payback. Christie's New York money is running from him faster than an ambulance on the George Washington Bridge.

Rick Perry (50 to 1)
He's started wearing horn-rimmed glasses in an effort to look smarter than a stump. Not working.

Scott Walker (100 to 1)
Nothing says presidential timber like surviving a recall election with just 54% of the vote. Other Midwestern governors, Mike Pence, Rick Snyder, John Kasich, are even less likely.

Bobby Jindel (500 to 1)
Four years ago he was the Great Brown Hope for conservatives hating Obama. Since then he has been a cypher, a zero, bubkis.

The Unemployed
Pundits love politicians who have the time to hang out at Beltway cocktail parties and don't have to embarrass themselves by actually, you know, governing.

Jeb Bush (5 to 1)
The latest, and most talented, of the Bush Dynasty. Handicapped by being brother to one disastrous President Bush and son of another. Favorite of establishment Republicans; loathed by Tea Partiers; hated by nativists because he married a Mexican immigrant.

John Bolton (1000 to 1)
His campaign would entirely be about waging war with Iran. For starters. After than he'll want war with Russia, war with France, war with China, war with North Korea.

Rick Santorium (1000 to 1)
Runner up to Mitt last time. Republicans traditionally pick their second place finisher as their nominee the next go round.

Mike Huckabee (100 to 1)
Competing with Santorium for the Creationist/Puritan vote.

The Congressmen
Republicans haven't sent a sitting member of Congress to the White House since Warren Harding. That went well.

Rand Paul (4 to 1)
Tea Party favorite with the strong organization of wackos formed by his dad.

Ted Cruz (10 to 1)
Touches all the bases. A religious nut, a Tea Party absolutist who believes two-thirds of Americans are traitors, a Hispanic from Canada who hates immigrants, favors war with Iran. Ted Cruz is almost a cartoon caricature of a Republican radical.

Marco Rubio (100 to 1)
A Cuban from Florida with vague ties to drug cartels. Briefly supported by pundits who thought the only way to defeat Democrats was with some, any minority candidate. Ted Cruz has sucked all the wind from his sails.

Paul Ryan (100 to 1)
Fully in bed with establishment Republicans, even known to have spoken in a civil tone to a Democrat. This makes Ryan a pariah among Tea Partiers.

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