The Whole World's Goin' Crazy

Am I the last sane man in a world gone crazy? The news today is ringing in wackiness.

Christian Fatwa
A Roman Catholic in India has offered a bounty of 1.1 million rupees ($25 000) for the death of "Da Vinci Code" author Dan Brown.

Sexual Politics
The New York Times, the "All the News That's Fit to Print" New York Times, wastes valuable front page space randomly musing about Bill and Hillary Clinton's sleep patterns and how much sex they are having with each other. Breathlessly, (Oh, my, I'm getting vapors.) they speculate on the macro political ramifications of their sex lives as if any one over the age of four, in the world, gives a flying fuck.

God Given Superpowers
Pat Robertson, the 76 year-old Patron Saint of Lunatics, claims his secret protein shake receipe gives him the power to leg press one ton. That right, 2000 pounds, fully 665 pounds more than the all-time Florida State University record. Take that you sons of Satan!

Sis-Boom-Mahaha
According to ABC news, Democrats are root, root, rooting for Americans to get killed and maimed in Iraq. Funny, because the last time I looked we wanted them safe at home right now. Either ABC got over that whole having their phones tapped business quickly or they have learned that, when the government is listening, it is best to say lots of really wacky Limbaughesque stuff.

Look Who's Nazi Now
Fox News is saying that Al Gore's movie An Inconvenient Truth will cause the collapse of the nation's economy and is just the sort of thing Joseph Goebbels would have done. I've heard it will also cause ingrown toenails in virgin women. So, be careful out there.