Religion As a Story Pitch

This is the most religious weekend of the year with four major religions celebrating holy days. Easter for Christians, Passover for Jews, Hanuman Jayanti for Hindus, and it is the Buddhist New Year. What better time to get completely irreligious and look at religions from the point of view of pitching their stories to a publisher.

Judaism
A vast historic saga where the protagonists usually gets the crap beaten out of them.

Hinduism
A fantasy epic with shapeshifting gods, animals with super powers, and beings with multiple arms and heads.

Islam
The adventure story of a warrior monk on a mission of conquest.

Mormonism and Scientology
Science fiction tales with space alien gods ruling over distant planets.

Christianity
Snuff porn where you are made to care about the protagonist who is ultimately slowly tortured to death.

Christianity is the only story the publisher would reject.