Playing Cop With Real Guns

You're rich and retired. You're bored and want some excitement in your life. And, let's be honest here, you love the tingling sensation you get in your loins when you strap deadly weapons to your waist. It's better than Viagra.

If you live in Tulsa, OK you're in luck because you can buy your way into the Sheriff's Department as a reserve officer. You might be 15 years past the mandatory retirement age but you're a volunteer so that doesn't matter. Your law enforcement experience might consist of one year a half century ago but you've had training so who needs experience.

Tulsa Sheriff Dept. role call (unconfirmed)

If you're lucky you can reach the rank of "advanced reserve" and buy all the life and death rights a full time officer has to earn. And if your unlucky you can accidentally shoot some poor smuck to death because you can't tell the difference between a taser

and a gun.

But, don't worry, your fellow officers will have your back.

Reserve Deputy Bates was a victim, a true victim, of slips and capture

That "slips and capture" reference is apparently a "real thing" where an inexperienced or panicking police officer is reaching for his taser and accidentally draws his gun. Allegedly, in the heat of the moment you can't remember where the taser is (on your left hip, idiot) and reflexively reach for the gun you have drawn thousands of times in front of the mirror while pretending to be Dirty Harry.

So while some evil nigger lies dying on the street your fellow officers will be comforting you, reminding you that these things happen all the time and it's no big deal, besides, you just saved the county the cost of a trial.