Lies Gun Nuts Tell

The AR-15 is Not an Assault Rifle

Gun nuts are all about definitions. The AR-15 is not an assault rifle, they say, because it is semi-automatic while an assault rifle is fully automatic. Semi-automatic means you have to pull the trigger to fire a round. The concept of "semi-automatic" is a lie. The AR-15, and all other "semi-automatics" can easily be fired fully automatic without modifying the weapon using a technique called "bump firing." The lazy lunatic can easily, and legally, buy adapters for the rifle's stock that converts any AR-15 or AK-47 into a fully automatic weapon.

Large Capacity Magazines Aren't Dangerous

Gun nuts will tell you that large capacity magazines are not a problem because reloading is so easy that no lunatic shooter would be slowed by smaller clips. In the next breath they will state that it is essential that 100-round mags are available because it is such a bitch to change clips.

The AR-15 Is a Self-Defense Weapon

Unless you are being attacked by a zombie horde, this is bullshit. The AR-15 is a rapid-fire "kill zone" weapon. This is why it is the weapon of choice for lunatic shooters.

The Red Dawn Fantasy

It doesn't take much digging to find nuts who contend that only untrained civilians armed with automatic weapons and massive mags (and a 12-pack of Bud Lite) are protecting this country from invasion or dictatorship.

The Real Reason
Very few gun nuts are honest enough to admit the only reason they want assault weapons with gigantic mags is because they get off on blowing the fucking shit out of stuff. It's just a form of masturbation.

The Real Victims

Listening to Republicans I've realized that the real victims in the Newtown shooting were guns themselves. Helpless, couldn't hurt a fly (unless you are a really great shot) guns who are having their basic human rights threatened by non-gun toting, Birkenstock wearing Nazi thugs who intend to kidnap innocent gats and deprive them of their God given freedom.

I've seen the light (or I'm having a psychotic episode, it's sometimes really hard to tell the difference).

The AIG Scorpion and Other Stories

AIG Backstabbers

I've been wondering why AIG would be putting out all these ads thanking the government for bailing it out. It didn't make sense financially because it was not the kind of advertising that would bring in new business. Now I understand. AIG is considering suing the government for $25 billion in damages for saving the company. It reminds me of the story of the scorpion and the frog. AIG can't help being treacherous backstabbers - betrayal is just their nature.

Congressional Dialing for Dollars

The recommended schedule for incoming Congressmen is four hours a day on the phone fundraising, a daily hour schmoozing with lobbyists and having your picture taken, an hour nap (always save time for your nap), and if you can find the time what's left of your day maybe a couple of hours of actual, you know, working.

The thing I hated worst about politics was cold calling people begging for contributions. Nobody is even pretending any longer that Congressmen do much else in their lives but sell themselves like $2 hookers.

Blame Iran

News stories are blaming Iran for a series of cyber attacks on banks, claiming it is the only country with the resources and skills to pull it off. Poppycock! I can think of several other nations with the needed skills including Russia, Israel, China, and MIT. Actually, each is better equipped than Iran to pull it off.

Chuck Hagel for Defense?

I've never thought about Chuck Hagel before yesterday except for those six seconds or so when I wondered if he was related to Katherine Heigl (You can't say she wouldn't be a more interesting choice).

My initial thought was Hagel was another one of the President's attempts at being nice to Republicans, you know, picking one of their own for a key spot in his administration. Then the pachyderm party began throwing their hissy fits.

• First we learn that the SecDef has to be pre-approved by the Knesset before his nomination is submitted to the US Senate.
• Second, Republicans feign outrage, for the first time in recorded history, over someone's homophobic comment. Really?
• Third, we are told to be afraid that Hagel isn't advocating the invasion of Iran. Apparently, Republicans believe if we keep invading Muslim countries we, eventually, will get it right. Third time's a charm, you know.
• Finally, Republicans content that Hagel is not a doctrinaire Republican and is, therefore, unqualified to be SecDef in a Democratic administration.

And now my interest in Chuck Hagel has waned. If we must have a Republican as SecDef, then Hagel is a better than average choice. But, I have a bizarre idea. How about nominating a Democrat for the position? If Obama wants Hagel, he can have him. I don't care. But I won't waste any time supporting the choice.

I am, however, sick at the thought of torture advocate John Brennan becoming CIA director. And with Hagel drawing all the fire, Brennan will likely get a free ticket into office.

Three Reasons Why the Republican Party Is Troubled

1. The leader of the party, Speaker of the House John Boehner, is a public drunk and has been for a long time. He is incapable of negotiation rationally with the President because he is so often in his cups.
2. The Radical Wing (Tea Party) terrifies more rational Republicans who are afraid to negotiate or even appear to be seen talking to Democrats.
3. A majority of the party is openly misogynistic, they believe women's reproductive systems ought to be owned by the state and that violence against women is often appropriate.

There are a score of other reasons, including their xenophobia, but these three are their biggest.

It's Only Rape If She's Married

If the law supposes that,” said Mr. Bumble,… “the law is a ass—a idiot. ~ Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist

A California appellate court overturned the conviction of a man who had sex with a sleeping woman, stating it was not rape because the woman was not married. Specifically, the rapist pretended to be the woman's lover and according to a Victorian interpretation of a Victorian law, pretending to be anything other than a women's husband makes rape legal.

I read the legal opinion, which is written with all the scholarship of a third-grade book report. I even went back to the law (California Penal Code 261(a) (4 and 5)) and I just don't see it. The law makes it specifically illegal to pretend to be a spouse but that doesn't make it legal to pretend to be someone else. Rape by fraud is still rape.

I'd like to blame this insane ruling on the fact that the three judges were all appointed by Republicans but law professors across the state are declaring the ruling legally sound. These same professors also are certain the rapist will be convicted in a retrial. Like that's supposed to make the victim feel better.

I'm not a lawyer, a fact I'm proud of at times like this, but if the law really says this then the law is a big fucking ass.

Random New Year Observations

Harry Reid Grew a Pair
It's a miracle. Harry didn't have them in 2009 when Democrats had a filibuster proof majority for the first time since 1979. He was downright timid throughout 2010 and 2011. Then, suddenly, in the middle of 2012 Harry Reid grew a set of balls. Since then he has been the ballsiest Democrat in Washington D. C., bar none. I don't know how it happened but it's a freaking miracle.

Cliff Deal
Objectively, I don't like the fiscal cliff deal, I think it surrendered too much to Republicans and doesn't accomplish much. Still, they way Republicans are howling like stuck pigs and in near civil war over the deal it (1) is probably the best deal possible, and (2) has had a highly entertaining aftereffect.

Bowl Games
I remember a time when college football ended on New Years Day. Now the bowl games just keep dragging on and on and on. There are games with bizarre names, what the hell is a Belk Bowl? And people have stopped buying tickets to these now silly affairs.

The Independence Bowl announced an official attendance of 41,833. That is a sad lie, only about 15,000 customers actually bothered to show up.

On New Years and Calendars

To me, New Year's Day means another birthday - I was born about a couple hours after the ball fell at Times Square. But, for some reason, the celebrations precedes my birth.

Early History

Ancient Egyptian calendar

It didn't take man long to figure out that the earth has a seasonal cycle, just about every plant and animal on the planet knows this too. The earliest celebrations of a New Year revolved around one of the seasonal changes - the Sumerians picked the spring equinox while the Egyptians chose fall.

Because humans love counting shit they quickly invented calendars so they could track the number of days that Shulgi was late returning that oxen he borrowed. Calendars were mostly based on the lunar cycles, 29 days and change, because the moon was easy to track. Unfortunately, using the moon always leaves us several days short of a year.

Julius and Roman Calendars

Pretty much the whole world nowadays works off some variation of the Roman calendar, which is weird because few civilizations in human history were worse at calendar making than the Romans.

Before Julius Caesar, Rome had a standard calender year that was 355 days (you probably notice a problem here) long; occasionally (really rather randomly) they would insert a thirteenth month to make a 378 year hoping to balance things out eventually. As a result, most Romans were never sure just what day or even what month it was.

Julius regulated the calender at 365 days divided among 12 months with quadrennial leap years. He also set January 1 as the official start of the new year. Because Julius was an egoist, he also named one of the months (July) after himself.

But the Romans were done fucking the the calendars. It seems most every emperor felt the need to rename one or more of the months. Then there was Emperor Commodus, played by Joaquin Phoenix in the movie Gladiator. Even by the low standards set by emperors like Nero and Caligula, Commodus was insane. To honor himself Commodus renamed all of the months for his various nicknames.

The Popish Calendar

While the Julian calendar was an improvement over the previous "Romans Can't Count" calendar, it wasn't perfect. Over the course of centuries the errors were adding up and was starting to mess with scheduling holy days like Easter. So Pope Gregory rejiggered the calendar and cut ten days out of October, 1582 to straighten things out.

The Pope, being Catholic, had no influence of Protestant and Orthodox countries. This made for all sorts of confusion for the nations of Europe. England, for example, didn't adopt the Gregorian calendar until the 18th century. For two centuries, England's calendar was a week and a half behind the calendar used across the Channel in France.

The strangest case was Russia. Their famous October Revolution that overthrew the Czar and installed a Communist government actually happened in November according the the Gregorian calendar. It was only after the revolution that Russia adopted the modern calendar.

New Years Through the Year

• The Eastern Orthodox calendar celebrate the new year on January 14.
• The Chinese falls between Jan. 21 and Feb. 21, depending on the phase of the moon.
• In Tibet the new year is greeted by a 15-day long celebration.
• Lots of people still celebrate the new year around the vernal equinox.
• The Jewish new year (Rosh Hashanah) coincides with the biblical creation of the universe and falls between Sept. 5 and Oct. 5.
• The Islamic new year (Hijri) is still based on a 355 day lunar calendar and is a moveable event.

Modern Celebrations

• The first Times Square ball drop was New Years Eve, 1907. After just four years, the New York Times owner, Adolph Ochs, had grown tired of just setting off fireworks to celebrate the new year.
• In 1929, young, hip band leader Guy Lombardo began a tradition of playing "Auld Lang Syne" at the stroke of midnight. This tradition lasted almost fifty years.
• In 1972, the young, hip host of American Bandstand, Dick Clark, began supplanting that long in the tooth old geezer Lombardo with a new tradition of rock and roll.
• By the turn of the century that old geezer Dick Clark was was still around pretending to be rad. He was eventually replaced by young, hip nobody Ryan Seacrest.

For eons now, people everywhere have celebrated the coming of a new year with the hope it will be better than the year just past.

It never is.

Republican Economic Tantrum

If you read conservative blogs, as I do, you will see the same phrase over and over in comments: "Just Blow It Up." The meaning is quite simple, if they can't own the country they intend to destroy it.

Boehner and the other House Republicans have abandoned any pretense of negotiating or even voting on any legislation whatsoever involving budget, taxes, or debt. Boehner refuses to bring anything to a vote unless it has unanimous Republican support, an impossible goal given the radical wing of the caucus.

It is exactly like the petulant child who grabs the ball and runs home in tears because the other kids won't let him be quarterback. House Republicans have run home and are now hiding in their bedrooms pouting. 

It is their intention, as far as people this infantile can have intentions, is to punish the country for being mean and not electing them to everything. If the economy craters, they believe, it is exactly what we deserve for being such doodyheads.

If President Obama is the nation's father figure then the House of Representatives is the bratty little brother who ruins every Christmas by throwing a temper tantrum.

Romney's Sour Grapes

Driven by hunger, a fox tried to reach some grapes hanging high on the vine but was unable to, although he leaped with all his strength. As he went away, the fox remarked, 'Oh, you aren't even ripe yet! I don't need any sour grapes.' People who speak disparagingly of things that they cannot attain would do well to apply this story to themselves. ~ Aesop, The Fox and the Grapes

Tagg Romney, Mitt's kid, is now saying that Mitt didn't really want to be President.  It is a pathetic, childish, reaction to losing. Frankly, I'd be terrified if I had any money invested with such an immature venture capitalist.

The truth is that nobody spends six years of his life doing nothing but campaigning for an office he doesn't want. Mitt wanted to be President, just not as much as some other members of the Romney Clan.

Ann Romney had convinced herself that her husband was on a mission from God to fulfill Mormon prophecy. Ann struck me as a Lady Macbeth (without the knife) relentlessly pushing her husband to make himself king so she could be a queen.

Tagg Romney saw the riches he could make by marketing his investment firm's connections to the White House. It doesn't take much listening to Tagg to hear the unbridled greed oozing from every slimy syllable.

George Romney's Ghost had been in the background of every one of Mitt's many, mostly failed, campaigns. George's ghost constantly hovered over Mitt's shoulder, an oppressive and depressing burden on Mitt. George's ghost was always there reminding Mitt how bitterly disappointed the father was with his son.

Mitt desperately wanted to be President - albeit to quiet his shrew of a wife, to satisfy his pig of a son, and to stop the spectral whispers in his ear saying, "Can't you do anything right, boy?"

Inside the Mind of Wayne LaPierre

His mind is a scary place to visit but here is what the head of the NRA was thinking during his presser.

"The NRA has refrained from comment..."
(Until we could design a forum with the proper tone of death and foreboding.)
----
"The truth is that our society is populated by an unknown number of genuine monsters....They walk among us every day."
(I know this because I see them all the time in our NRA offices and, let me tell you, they are some scary dudes.)
----
"There exists in this country a callous, corrupt and corrupting shadow industry that sells, and sows, violence against its own people."
(Remember to visit the NRA store where you can buy everything from 50-caliber bottle openers to NRA baby bibs. And, brand new, we're selling a handgunner's backpack that allows you to easily carry enough weapons and ammo to quickly kill dozens of people. As our website says, we promise it will "heighten your efficiency and increase your enjoyment.")
----
"Then there's the blood-soaked slasher films like 'American Psycho' and 'Natural Born Killers.'"(Natural Born Killers was produced by Jane Hamsher so it's more evil than all those blood-soaked Clint Eastwood films.)
----
"I call on Congress today to act immediately, to appropriate whatever is necessary to put armed police officers in every school."
(There are almost 100,000 schools in the United States so we are talking about creating a new federal force seven times larger than FBI and ATF armed agents, combined. Given my opinion of federal "jack-booted thugs," I plan to oppose this idea if it ever actually is introduced in Congress.)

Wow! The Mayan Apocalypse Happened!

The Mayans got it right. Sure, the whole world didn't end. But the world occupied by a single orange-faced cry baby did end right on schedule.

House Speaker John Boehner concocted an absurdly unworkable tax "Plan B" and when he tried to get the Republican caucus to swallow it they spit it back in his face.

Properly limited, watching an apocalypse unfurl is quite entertaining.

Republican Utopia

When Republicans dream of a perfect nation this is what they see.

A Country Where Guns Are Everywhere and the Government Is Weak

Mogadishu, Somalia

A Country Where God Is Made Central to Everything

The Army of Heaven in Tehran, Iran

A Country Where the 'Homosexual Agenda' Is Defeated

Pink Triangle (homosexual) inmates, Buchenwald Concentration Camp

A Country Where the Wealthy Are Not Oppressed

The Billionaire Store in Moscow, Russia

A Country Where Women's Reproductive Organs Are Controlled by the State

Republic of Gilead, The Handmaid's Tale

According to Conservatives

This is what the modern kindergarten teacher ought to look like.

A Modest Proposal Regarding Guns

Conservatives love the Originalist interpretation of the Constitution as expressed by Antonin Scalia which believes the Constitution should be interpreted only as the original authors would have understood it. With that in mind here is how the Second Amendment ought to be enforced.

Absolutely Allowed Weapons
All these conditions must be met.

• Must have a flintlock firing mechanism.
• Must be muzzle loading only.
• Must be single-shot only with no magazine.
• No rifling on any barrel shorter than three feet long.
• Reloading time must take at least 30 seconds when done by an expert.

Weapons allowed by the Second Amendment:
Bows, knives, and other non-fire arms.
Kentucky long rifle
Musket
Blunderbuss

This is a blunderbuss.

Weapons Absolutely Forbidden With No Exceptions

A Glock with extension can hold 27 rounds.

• Magazine exceeding six bullets.
• Shotguns with a magazine of any size.
• Nuclear bombs, anti-aircraft missiles, RPG, other military-grade weapons.
• Any bullet designed to expand on impact (dumdum bullet).
• Any bullet designed to penetrate body armor (cop killer bullet).

Between these two extremes are weapons allowed as part of a "well regulated militia."  Such weapons may only be owned by active members of state authorized militias. Members must present all weapons monthly for inspection. Weapons may not be sold, gifted, or otherwise transferred to another party. Upon retirement the weapon is returned to the state armory. Possession of a firearm outside of a state authorized "well regulated militia" is a felony. Obviously, law enforcement and the regular military are excepted.

I'm not a fool. This utopia will never happen. There are millions of American gun owners who would happily sacrifice their wives and children, even their own lives, before giving up a single one of their precious guns. The demons have been released from Pandora's gun box and there is no hope remaining to balance the misery.

The Lies Gun Nuts Tell

Another school shooting tragedy will start another round of lies from the gun community.

Guns Don't Kill People
Take a highly trained Spetsnaz assassin. Arm him with the best combat knife made. He would not be as quick nor efficient a killer as a dimwitted 20 year-old lunatic with a couple of Glocks. Guns kill 87 Americans each and every day. Guns were invented for the singular purpose of killing. Guns have been killing people with gay abandon for 700 years.

The Victims Should Have Been Armed

Gun nuts love blaming the victims. If only everyone was as paranoid as I am and carried a gun all the time then no one would ever get shot, they think. Most of the victims today were small children and I don't think even the NRA advocates seven year-olds packing heat in the classroom. Although, judging from this story there are some gun nuts who believe no age is to young for children to have access to guns. To be fair, some gun nuts just want kindergarten teachers armed like Rambo. Nor reassuring.

If You Outlaw Guns Only Outlaws Will Have Guns
This is the second oldest canard in the gun nut holster. Probable if best proof this is a lie is Dodge City, Kansas in 1880. This is the Dodge City of Wyatt Earp and Bat Masterson. Guns were absolutely outlawed within the city limits for everybody but law enforcement. Policemen were authorized to shoot on sight anyone carrying a gun.

Most outlaws get their guns from legal gun owners. More than half of the guns in illegal hands were sold by corrupt gun dealers. "Straw purchases" are where a legal buyer purchase guns specifically to turn around and sell them on the black market. Then there are the gun shows where unlicensed dealers advertise they sell guns with "no background checks required."

The Second Amendment

This is the biggest lie in the gun nut arsenal. The Second Amendment provides states the absolute right to form militia for self-defense without interference from the federal government. The clear structure of the sentence is that the right "to keep and bear arms" is a subordinate clause to the statement that "a well regulated militia" is necessary to the security of a free state. The right to arms is totally restricted by state militia regulations. Period. English Grammar 101.

Dec. 13 in History

I am so bored with "fiscal cliff" news, in fact all the news being reported right now. So let's look back at important things that happened on this date in history.

Drake Leaves England
In 1577 left Plymouth, England with orders from Queen Elizabeth to circumnavigate the globe and pirate such Spanish shipping as he encountered. This was Drake's second departure on this mission, he had been forced to return when his sails become befouled in a violent storm and Drake had to dismast his own ship.

Of the six ships that started the trip only one crossed into the Pacific Ocean. But that was the hard part. The remaining ship, the Golden Hind, casually plundered Spanish settlements along the Pacific coast for six months. Drake returned to England three years after departing with over 20 tons of booty for the Queen.

Battle of Fredericksburg

Not a lot of battles are fought in December for obvious reasons, the weather. In 1862, Robert E. Lee's Army of Northern Virginia held the high ground overlooking the Rappahannock River. Unfortunately for the Union side, Ambrose Burnside had just been given command of the Army of the Potomac and wanted to prove himself. He stupidly ordered an uphill attack against entrenched positions. It wasn't the worst spanking Lee gave the Union army in Virginia but it was a bloody mess. The defeat earned Burnside the nickname the "Butcher of Fredericksburg" and left the Union army demoralized and nearly mutinous. Burnside resigned his command before the end of January.

Famous Births
Abe Lincoln's wife Mary Todd (1818)
Actor Dick Van Dyke (1925)
Pizza honcho Herman Cain (1945)

Famous Deaths
Nobody famous ever died on this date.


Holidays
The biggest celebration held on December 13 is Acadian Remembrance Day which commemorates when the British kicked French settlers out of Nova Scotia.

Let's face it. December 13 is, and always has been a really boring day.

The War on Labor

Before the Republican Party absorbed, and then was consumed by the Dixiecrats, Republicans hated workers.

Before Republicans became the Party of God (the White Protestants God only), they despised those children of creations who toiled in the fields and factories.

Before Republicans conflated intelligence and reason with treachery and treason, they believed that laborers were seditious plotters.

Before Republicans ever thought to attack them as communists, they denounced workers who tried to organize into labor unions as unwashed bomb throwing foreigners and anarchists.

The very same people who content that "corporations are people" believe that real people should not have a right to organize unions to counterbalance the power of corporations. Michigan is the latest battleground in the war on workers where an aggressively anti-union Republican legislative majority and governor are working to reduce the rights of laborers in the state to the menial status they hold in Alabama and Mississippi.

Republicans hope Democrats and unions don't fight back because for labor such a fight will be long, hard, and success uncertain. They hope workers will meekly accept being reduced to a lower social class. Republicans also hope if they can suppress labor rights in Michigan, one of the homes of organized labor, they will be able to beat workers into submission across the country.

Such battles are not new in Michigan. In 1932 unemployed workers peaceably marched on the Ford plant in Dearborn. Police and private security fired on the marchers killing four and wounding dozens others. The wounded were handcuffed to their hospital beds.

Workers flee police violence, Dearborn, MI, March 7, 1932

Thought on the Mayan Apocalypse

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice. ~ Robert Frost

Katla volcano, Iceland

The Thing Is, I'm Not That Old

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Political Game Theory Revisited

The "fiscal cliff" negotiations are really just a big ole game of chicken.

There are four possible outcomes:

1. I lose my nerve and turn away and you don't. You win; I lose.
2. You lose your nerve and turn away and I don't. I win; you lose.
3. We both turn away. Compromise. No one wins and no one really loses.
4. No one turns away. CRASH! Everybody loses!!!

"The only winning move is not to play."

When rational people play chicken the only rational result is compromise. But rational people seldom play chicken. Chicken is a game for suicidal maniacs.

Lunatics have a big advantage playing chicken. If you know your opponent doesn't want to die you can recklessly plow ahead confident your opponent will turn away first.

Chicken really gets fun when both sides are insane. Republicans are crazed zealots who would rather amputate their arms than shake hands with President Obama. They might crash the economy just for the hell of it. Democrats confidently believe they will survive the worst possible collision. It's situations like this that remind me of a favorite Mythbusters saying.

Failure Is Always an Option.

Republicans Hate Disabled Children

The UN treaty for the rights of persons with disabilities failed in the Senate solely through the opposition of Republicans. I couldn't figure this out. It takes a particularly cruel variant of Scrooge to knock the crutch out from under Tiny Tim yet Republicans proudly wielded the cudgel. The opposition is irrational since the treaty simply spreads current United States law to the rest of the world.

The public reason usually given is they had to oppose the treaty to defend home schooling, which makes no sense, so I have dug a little deeper.

1. Black Helicopter Terror. It's a UN treaty. Republicans hate anything to do with the United Nations. They especially fear this treaty is part of a master plot to impose a UN dictatorship on the United States.
2. Women's Rights. Because some disabled people are women, Republicans fear "Article 6(2) is a backdoor method of requiring the United States to comply with the general provisions of the UN Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women." Republicans have fought against women's rights for decades.
3. Torture Rights. Republicans object to a ban on "inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment" in the treaty. Specifically they demand the right to beat disabled children.
4. Children's Rights. Republicans object to this sentence in Article 7, "In all actions concerning children with disabilities, the best interests of the child shall be a primary consideration." Republicans want to be able to ignore the best interests of the child.
5. Birth Certificates. Republicans hate Article 18 that states all disabled children have the right to a birth certificate.

Here are some sources from the Home School Legal Defense Association.
Threat to Family Integrity by William Estrada
Dangerous UN Treaty from Examiner.com
A Danger to Homeschool Families by Michael Farris

The next time someone tells you Republicans are capable of rational thought, remind them of this treaty.

San Diego Dis-Chargers

Every year I find the time to write about my hometown professional football squad. This year my team is leading the league in pathetic.

The KC Chiefs are a horribly coached team of lousy players yet they managed to win the week one of their players murdered his girlfriend and committed suicide while thanking his coach.

The NY Jets used a third-string QB to play the most boring sporting contest of the decade (including the 2008 World Tiddlywinks Championship) on Sunday yet they manged to squeak out a victory.

The San Diego Chargers have gotten so bad even their cheerleaders have taken to mooning them. For the second consecutive week the Chargers had a 10 point lead in the fourth quarter and managed to lose. My team has mastered the art of blowing second half leads. The question is, who is to blame?

Owner Dean Spanos
Like many idiot sons of successful men, Dean is terrified of making decisions. He would rather explain inaction as deliberation than act and reveal himself as a fool.

General Manager A. J. Smith
Smith inherited the job when the man he schlepped coffee for (John Butler) died of cancer. Spanos decided to just give the job to Butler's gofer rather than interview actual professionals for the position. For a few years Smith didn't look too bad because the Charger's head coach, Marty Schottenheimer, was acting as the de facto GM. Even after Smith fired Coach Marty the Chargers put together some fine seasons because of the personnel Marty had accumulated.

A. J. loves to cut proven talent, like All-Pro receiver Vincent Jackson, relying instead on injury prone replacements like Jarad Gaither and Danario Alexander. He is piss poor at judging draft talent. In the six years since Schottenheimer left A. J. has found only four decent players in the draft while his list of busts is extensive.

Head Coach Norv Turner

Norv is living proof the Peter Principle is still valid. He was an excellent offensive coordinator and is a lousy head coach. He is as inspirational as Eeyore on a bad tail day. His inability to manage a clock is legendary. He panics easily and has the killer instinct of a koala. Norv folds up under pressure like a Walmart lawn chair.

Quarterback Philip Rivers

There was a time a few years ago when people were say he was the best quarterback in team history. That was exaggerating. Even when things were going well he tended to whine and pout too much. Now that things are bad and he has become a turnover machine pouting is just about all we see. It's clear Philip has developed the yips. You can see him cautiously short-arming throws he once heaved with confidence.

The real question is whether Philip's psyche has been permanently ruined by the morose Turner and incompetent Smith or can he recover his old swagger under stronger leadership.