The Rapture Is Coming (Again)

Oh, geez! They're at it again. God is supposed to take up his chosen people on Saturday the 23rd of September, 2017. The prediction is based on astrology, bizarre Bible math, and the supposition that a mythical invisible planet will invade the solar system.

The Astrology part
is that there are three planets in the constellation Leo while the Moon and Jupiter are in Virgo. This is interpreted as fulfillment of a prophesy in the book of Revelation. Virgo is pregnant with Jupiter, the Moon is at her feet, and Leo with the addition of three planets form a crown of twelve stars on her head. Actual astrologers don't see anything special in the alignment.

The Bizarre Math part
involves trying to make the date sync up with ancient biblical reference dates. This requires defining a year as 350 days because, reasons, and then not defining a year as 350 days when counting from 1917, the Balfour Declaration, to present. Balfour is significant to them because it starts a set of two 50 year Jubilee Year cycles that involves the nation of Israel. Of course, they have to ignore the much more significant year of 1948 when Israel was actually founded.

The Mythical Planet
is Nibiru. Nibiru is part of the 20th century myth that the gods of ancient civilizations are actually alien astronauts. Somehow, fundamentalist Christians glommed onto the theory that their God was a fish alien named Anunnaki who lived on an invisible planet that orbits beyond Neptune. 

Nibiru is supposed to make a close approach to Earth this weekend causing massive earthquakes, the rapture, and the Second Coming of Christ. So remember to wear clean underwear this Saturday.