Solyent Pink

Vegans have it easy.

"Pink slime" is the by-products of cattle butchery infused with poison (ammonia gas) and mixed into an extruded slurry that looks remarkably like strawberry yogurt. It is then infused into ground beef to make cheap hamburger. Defenders like Sam Brownback and Rick Perry want the press to use the fictitious term "finely textured beef."

Which would make Solyent Green "finely textured human" and sound pretty damn sophisticated.

They say people shouldn't stop eating this shit just because they find it disgusting lest profits for the massive (and massively evil) multi-national corporation Cargill suffer. They slyly avoid the fact this stuff used to be thrown out as trash and insist it is a perfectly eatable food-like substance. They also avoid noting that Cargill has its own PAC to bribe politicians.

Padres Baseball

The San Diego professional baseball team has become a truly pathetic organization.

• Ownership is a farce. The titular owner, John Moores, has been trying to dump the team to pay for his divorce. The prospective owner, Jeff Moorad, is being rejected by the other team owners because he used to be a sports agent.
• There is no effective television deal. Nowadays, television is the only way a team markets itself - no television equals no marketing.
• The roster is feeble. Yet again, the team is in the bottom four in salaries. They claim to have an outstanding minor league system, which should boost ticket sales for the Lake Elsinore team.

Their best player, Cameron Maybin, is a career .255 hitter (who will probably be traded next year when his salary jumps from $500,000 to $3 million). Their top prospect is a hands-of-stone first baseman who is expected to hit lots of doubles. Their middle infielders are elderly and poor fielders. Their starting pitching is injury prone but cheap. Their relief pitching chews up the largest share of the budget, most of it in Hutson Street, a closer of modest skills whose best season was his first and that was seven long years ago.

Ted Williams broke into professional baseball as a 17 year-old playing for the minor league San Diego Padres 76 years ago, the first year for pro ball in San Diego. In 1948, San Diego broke the color barrier in the Pacific Coast League by signing catcher John Ritchey in 1948.

In major league play, the Padres have produced Tony Gwynn and nobody else of much note. In the World Series their record is one win and eight losses.

Short Thoughts

Arm Trayvon
Does anyone think that if Trayvon Martin had successfully defended himself against that thug who had accosted him in the night that the young, black teen would not be rotting in jail right now?

DVD Nation
The best way to protect yourself against the obscene onslaught of campaign commercials this year is watch DVDs, pre-record shows and fast forward through the trash, and avoid live sports. Turning off the ringer on your phone and using a "burn phone" to talk to family and friends will eliminate most of those torturous robo-calls.

The Supremes
Ever notice how the US government is structured exactly like Iran's. Both have parliaments and presidents. But sitting above them all is a Guardian Council (Supreme Court) of extremely conservative, out of touch, black-robed clerics who rewrite laws at whim.

The Wonderful World of Mittens Romney

Chateau Mittens

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree ~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Most men own fewer shoes than Mitt Romney owns homes. His New Hampshire villa includes a stable. The stable is assessed at $2.5 million. (Although, to be fair, the stable does have an attached boathouse.)  But Mitt's California palace will be his Xanadu. It has a built-in lobbyist and will have an elevator just for Mitt's Cadillacs plus a 3,600 square foot underground lair for plotting wars against Russia or China or poor folk. You know, the enemy.

Stealth Mittens

He rarely went abroad by daylight, but at twilight he would go out muffled up invisibly, whether the weather were cold or not, and he chose the loneliest paths and those most over-shadowed by trees and banks. ~ H.G. Wells, the Invisible Man

Mitt Romney exists. He leaves footprints in the snow and injuries on the people he meets. But Mitt Romney stays invisible. His opinions, goals, plans, and platforms are phantoms, mere illusions to bedevil the masses. Some say he is a chameleon or an Etch-a-Sketch but that gives him far too much credit for visibility. He is a noise without a cause, a wound without a weapon. Romney is a shadow of a shadow.

Filicidal Mittens

Queen Elizabeth: I have no more sons of the royal blood for you to slaughter. 

Richard III: You have a daughter. ~ Richard III (film)

A caution to any parents who might be considering asking Mitt Romney to be the godfather of their children. Mitt believes that being a godfather gives him the unmitigated right to murder any children entrusted to his care. Just in case your offspring disappear and you hear an invisible cackle coming from the evening mists, don't say you weren't warned. 

Thinking Like a Republican

It's really a very easy thing to do.

On War

My Lai, 1968

Foreigners are heathens who don't value human life like we do so it's okay to kill them. Besides, all we have to do is give them money and it's all good.

Americans don't torture, it's just enhanced interrogation. It's not torture if they are guilty and we wouldn't be torturing them if they were innocent. QED.

Look it up.

The Mouse That Roared is real! Small countries around the world (Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, North Korea) want to conquer America and we are desperately engaged in a world war to defend ourselves.
 
On Civil Rights
Blacks commit crimes. Why else would they have such dark skin that makes it impossible to see them at night unless they smile? And why are they smiling in the dark unless they want to rape our women? Neighborhoods must defend themselves.

Shooting unarmed black teens isn't racism, it the natural reaction to seeing a dark complexioned stranger who doesn't call you "massa." Besides, shooting is more humane than lynching.

Besides...Hoodies!!!

Mexicans are retaking America through an invasion of yard workers, maids, cabbage pickers and dancers. We need laws against brown skinned people working to stop this invasion.

Mexicans use sinister means to vote, like being born in this country. Students, the elderly, and the poor also try to vote even though the Founding Fathers never intended them to. Voting is a privilege, not a right.

Women
Women are the source of sin, since Eve.

Sluts!

A woman's duty is to breed (be fruitful) and to be subservient to men. Allowing abortion violates the first so to qualify a woman must prove allegiance to the second by submitting to demeaning, humiliating, and unnecessary procedures before getting one.

Health Care

Health care is a commodity, like boats. Rich people can afford yachts, poor people can only afford a leaky dingy if they stop eating. Really poor people should just drown quickly and reduce the surplus population. But there should be no ferries that carry both the rich and the poor in the same boat. That is communism!!


Unemployment
Minimum wages a unemployment insurance causes unemployment. If we cut the minimum wage to zero and don't help people without jobs we will quickly cure the unemployment problem. You never saw unemployment when all the workers were serfs.

Child labor laws take jobs away from children, who will work cheaper than adults.

The Etch-a-Sketch Election

Presidential campaigns often are defined by their symbols, visual images that are more powerful than thousands of words.

Supporters of Andrew Jackson, Ole Hickory, erected poles made from hickory across the country. William Henry Harrison used the log cabin image to good effect while Abe Lincoln backers carried axes to symbolize his rail-splitting days.

The donkey as a symbol of the Democratic Party was begun derisively by opponents of Andrew Jackson in 1828 but Jackson successfully turned it into a positive image of dogged stubbornness. The Republican elephant started life as an image in an 1874 Thomas Nast political cartoon and stuck.

Four years ago the Obama logo was inspired on many levels. It suggested patriotism while also hinting at a Morning In America without the embarrassment of quoting that old Ronald Reagan speech. Visually, it touched the longing of most Americans for a new start. It may have been the best campaign logo in American history.

Sometimes the image that defines a campaign is negative and created by the campaign it undermines. Consider the photo of Michael Dukakis riding a tank. Whatever the intent, the result made Dukakis look small and impotent. He never escaped that image.

Now we get to the Etch-a-Sketch. It has all the makings of a permanent symbol. It is simple, memorable, and has elements of truthiness in it. I wouldn't be surprised if Etch-a-Sketches show up at every Romney rally from now until November.

I also would not be surprised if the Romney campaign right now has agents spread out across the country buying up and destroying every Etch-a-Sketch in every toy store in America.

Walking While Black

The case of the wanton murder of Trayvon Martin in Florida is depressing, in part because of the defenses of the murderer by Conservatives.

• They say there was no racial motive because the killer, George Zimmerman, is Hispanic. White Florida Cubans are notably racist.
• "As long as blacks kill blacks anywhere in the world, it should be legal for a white American to kill a black." (Shorter version of Kathleen McKinley commentary.)
• They suggest that Zimmerman should not be charged because of Florida's "Stand Your Ground" Law that says killing is justified if the killer "knew or had reason to believe that an unlawful and forcible entry or unlawful and forcible act was occurring or had occurred." The "had reason to believe" clause is a get out of jail free clause.
• Zimmerman is a "criminal justice student" and, hence, was justified.
• Zimmerman claims he "called for help" before shooting the unarmed teen.

 This is what probably happened. Zimmerman began following Trayvon. Trayvon walked faster. Zimmerman ran to catch up and cornered Trayvon. Zimmerman tried to restrain Trayvon. One or both yelled for help. Trayvon struggled to get away. Trayvon pushed Zimmerman, who fell. Zimmerman pulled his gun. Trayvon yelled, "No! No!" Zimmerman shot and killed Trayvon.

In any civilized society Zimmerman was the aggressor who initiated the confrontation and shot an unarmed man. Zimmerman is guilty of murder. Under Florida law he will probably get off by claiming the right of lethal self-defense.

Door-to-Door Grifters

I don't know if this is common around the country or just a Southern California scam. I used to see it every two or three years but we've been hit three times in just the past few months.

A young person comes to your door and engages you in conversation. They claim to be in high school but seem older. They say they are on some sort of school project that requires them to meet and talk to a lot of people. They guy yesterday claimed he was learning the art of public speaking. The conversation is engrossing, they are extremely friendly, and they are very solicitous of your opinions. They are very likeable.

Then comes the hook. They need money for a scholarship (the last guy), for a trip to Europe, for the school band, for something. They hand you this laminated piece of paper that has obviously seen many hands. It has no actual identifying information on it but there is a list of magazines on the back.

They need so many subscriptions to get that scholarship or trip and they are close. It's okay if you don't want any magazines. Buy a couple anyhow and they will donate the magazines to a nursing home or soldier overseas. If you still say no they suggest giving cash. If you keep refusing to give they turn heel and leave without a thank you or good-bye.

I've seen this many times. I've never swallowed the hook so I don't know what comes after you hand over the cash, check, or (heaven forbid) your credit card number. I suspect there is another step to the con after you identify yourself as a sucker but I've never stuck to the game long enough to see it. I did, once, almost buy into the con. The girl was cute and effervescent, it was extremely hard to refuse her.


The tells are that they are too slick - more like the Sham-Wow guy than Velma Dinkley. They always keep their connections vague. There is never a contact number or some place you can verify their story. And they ask for cash. No one legitimate (not even the March of Dimes) solicits cash door-to-door anymore.

These door-to-door grifters are a simple breed but they are good practice for the Long Con (Republican campaign politics) that is coming.

What Mitt Romney Reminds Me Of

Every time I hear Mitt Romney take multiple sides of an issue (while at the same time taking no side at all) in the same interview I think of this Gary Larson Far Side cartoon.

Rick Santorum's War on Sex - Historical Perspective

Rick Santorum has promised to put Afghanistan, terrorism, and the economy on the back burner as his administration wages a war on pornography. It will be a tough job seeing as pornography has a history longer than history itself.

Prehistoric Porn
Archeologists have discovered 11,000 year-old cave drawings of a man with a raging erection. In Germany a 28,000 year-old stone dildo was recently discovered.

Ancient Egyptian Porn

The Turin Papyrus dates to around 1100 BCE. When viewed by the same French scholar who deciphered the Rosetta Stone, he described it as "an image of monstrous obscenity."

Biblical Porn
The Bible is chock-a-block full of pornography imagery including some pretty sick stuff. A partial list includes:
~ David dancing naked in front of the Ark of the Covenant (2 Samuel 6:14-20)
~ Repeated Coprophagia (Ezekiel 4:12:13, 2 Kings 18:27, Malachi 2:2-3)
~ Flatulophilia (Isaiah 16:11)
~ The entire Song of Solomon.
About the last one. Religious sorts like to claim that the Song of Solomon is not obscene because the breast fondling and oral sex it describes is coitus between a man and his wife. Just like all porn used to be sold as a "marital aide." Oh, and Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines. So, there's that.

Roman Porn

Ancient 3-way found on a wall in Pompeii

Ancient Romans elevated pornography into an art form. Statues, paintings, poetry, murals, graffiti, there was nothing pornographic that the Romans weren't masters at.

Catholic Porn

Take a look at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, there is a shitload of boobs and dicks. Renaissance art, in general, was fascinated by the nude form. Then there is the Vision of St. Bernard painted in 1650 by Alonso Sano. It depicts the Virgin Mary squirting breast milk into the saint's mouth.

Jesus Snuff Porn
Otherwise known as "The Passion of the Christ." While Mel Gibson's film is the most famous telling, every Easter Christian churches hold Passion Plays where the torture and murder of their god is graphically portrayed.

If Rick Santorum wants to remove pornography from American life he has quite a job ahead.

The Real St. Patrick (sorta)

Saint Patrick's Day is more than a day to drink green beer. It's the feast day of the patron saint of Ireland (and a day to drink green beer).

Patrick was born in Wales in the fifth century. As a teen he was kidnapped by Irish pirates and made a slave. He escaped, returned to Wales, became a priest, and went back to Ireland to convert the heathens.

Patrick was a player. Based on his written denials, Patrick sold baptisms and took bribes to ordain priests. He liked to hang out with wealthy women, get expensive gifts from them, steal them away from their families, and turn them into nuns. One theory (okay, just my theory) is that Saint Patrick invented the "hot nun" genre of pornography.

Patrick is credited with driving the snakes out of Ireland which was made easier by the fact there never were any snakes on the island.

Morrigan, War Goddess

Patrick is forever linked to the shamrock. In ancient times the shamrock was the symbol of the three sister goddesses - Morrigan, Brigid, and Eriu. Patrick used that ubiquitous Irish clover to explain the confusing Christian theology of the Holy Trinity where three Gods are really just one God (It has something to do with a sacred stem.).

Patrick is also tied to leprechauns because nothing explains the Catholic priesthood like childlike fairies hiding pots of gold.

Did I mention the green beer?

Outrage Overload

So much news, my rage gland is over-expressed.

Goldman Sachs - the Evil of Evils

Goldman Sachs, the Devil's Banker, made the tiny mistake of letting a man with the tiniest whiff of human decency into their desecrated caverns. He has revealed that the corporate culture is to screw everybody for profit and screw their customers hardest. Goldman's opinion of their customers would have to improve for them to be considered suckers. They view their clients as somewhere between hapless clowns and fatted calves. It is beyond my understanding why anyone would entrust their money, their investments, or their IPO to the scavengers at Goldman Sachs.

BofA Is No Better

If Goldman Sachs is Satan, then Bank of America is Lucifer. Just as greedy, just as rapacious, just as evil, just not as good at it. Matt Taibbi, the only real journalist in the Western Hemisphere, lists the various crimes that Bank of America commits with the gentle charm of a schoolyard bully on crank.

Why anyone would trust their money, investment capital, or sacred honor to either bank is a mystery.


GOP Like the Violence Part

Republicans take pains to point out they don't oppose the whole thing, they like the "against women" part of the Violence Against Women Act. They also like the "violence" part, it's just the "act" part that enrages them. They realize it doesn't look good, favoring violence against women, but there is a greater political principle involved. Women are just getting to uppity.

Afghanistan Forever

There was a time when the Afghan War made sense back when the goal was to crush al-Qaeda, drive the Taliban from power, and take some understandable vengeance for the crimes committed against us. But that was a decade ago. Now, there is no earthly reason to stay. We should leave with a few parting instructions. If the Taliban regains power we shall cut off all aid and keep a watchful eye on them. Should al-Qaeda return we will destroy them and any innocent unfortunate enough to be close. Other than that, they are on their own and good luck.

Southern Fried Voting

Between Success and Failure
If just 4,500 votes had shifted from Santorum to Romney in Mississippi the entire story of last night would have changed. Mittens would have broken through in the Deep South and all would be right in his gilt-edged little world. And Romney's camp wouldn't be desperately trying to forget they had predicted victory just last Monday.


LDS Polynesia
Romney winning American Samoa was no surprise, a quarter of the population is Mormon. What is surprising is that Mittens failed to get a majority of the vote in Hawaii. There are over 68,000 Mormons in the state yet Romney got only 4,250 votes.

Can't Buy Him Love
The disconnect between spending and results is remarkable. Romney is continually outspending Santorum by 5 to 1 and more and if it is having any effect at all I can't see it.

Land of Lincoln
Romney leads the latest Illinois poll but within the margin of error, never a good sign as Mittens tends to under preform the polls. But Romney can lose on votes and still win on delegates because, as in other states, Santorum hasn't filed a full list of delegates.

It's Still Mitt
I still think that Romney will get the nomination although he may need Ron Paul's delegates to close the deal and that means Rand Paul will be the Vice-Presidential nominee, can we say Sarah Palin with a penis. Mittens will probably limp into the general election but it will be as a severely lame elephant.

Lame Elephant Joke
How can you tell you passed an elephant?
You can't flush the toilet. 

Romney: Nowhere Man

You know Mitt's annoying habit of talk-singing old songs? Mix that with his political dedication to holding all sides of any position and there is another old song just perfect for him.

Nowhere Land, USA

He's a real nowhere man,
Sitting in his Nowhere Land,
Making all his nowhere plans
for nobody.

Nowhere Man

He's as blind as he can be,
Just sees what he wants to see,
Nowhere Man can you see me at all?

Doesn't have a point of view,
Knows not where he's going to,
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Actually, no. This Nowhere Man isn't even a little bit like you or me.

Why Anyone Winning the Mississippi Republican Primary Ought to Be Ineligible to Be President

Twenty-one percent of Mississippi Republicans believe interracial marriage should be illegal.

Mississippi, still the same 60 years later.

And a majority believe President Obama is a Muslim. The all important delusional bigot vote.

Republican Religious Pilgrimage

Rick Santorum underwent hajj, the pilgrimage all observant Republican candidates are required to make once in their lifetime. He traveled today to the birthplace of Rush Limbaugh, Cape Girardeau, MO.

Male pilgrims are required to wear the ihram, a kind of sweater vest. While wearing the sweater vest a pilgrim may not wear perfume, swear, or have sex. Performing dishonest acts are a sacred duty.

A pilgrim must walk around Rush Limbaugh's birthplace seven times in a counter-clockwise direction. They may also kiss the Black Stone (aka Rush's crapper). Other sacraments include smoking Cuban cigars, swallowing excessive doses of Oxycodin, and calling any women they see "sluts." 

Wars and Rumors of War

The United States is currently actively engaged in military combat in seven areas of the world. For Republicans to have their hearts desire would increase that total.

Current Wars (by importance)
Afghanistan - The longest war in American history at 10 years, 5 months. Over 1900 US dead so far. No one really want to know how many Afghans have been killed.
Northwest Pakistan - An extension of the Afghan war fought, on the US side, mostly with robotic weapons. Fifteen Americans have died here and an unknown number of Pakistanis.
Yemen - Against al-Qaeda. The number of "enemy combatants" killed exceeds the total membership in al-Qaeda. The US is fighting this war exclusively with robots.
Uganda - Lord's Resistance Army - Elevated by the video Kony2012 and Rush Limbaugh's defended the LRA as Christians being attacked by an evil Obama. There are 100 US troops in the area.
Horn of Africa - This is the war against Somali pirates and al-Qaeda. There are naval, ground force, and (of course) robotic components, although the ground forces have been downsized in recent years.
Trans-Sahara - Some 1,400 troops have ranged over eight countries for six years hunting al-Qaeda cells. The cost, so far, has been over $500 million.
Philippines - Another al-Qaeda hunting war, most notably seeking Abu Sayyaf.
Colombia - A war against the drug cartels that has been going on longer than the Afghan War. It costs billions and mostly involves poisoning the Colombian jungle, although there is a military component.

Future Wars (by potential)
Iran - Every neo-con's wet dream is bombing the shit out of Iran. They conveniently forget that it won't end there. War with Iran will close the Persian Gulf, the Strait of Hormuz is only 21 miles wide. With a population of 78 million and an arms patron called Russia, Iran will not just take their beating and slink off. The first casualty of war will be the Iranian democracy movement as patriotism and vengeance squelch any longing for liberty.
Syria - The same Republicans who didn't want to intervene in Libya are hot for bombing Syria. There will be casualties, Syria has a state of the art air defense system. The Libyan War cost nearly $1 billion; a Syrian repeat would likely cost at least three times more.
Mexico - Rick Perry of Texas has advocated this war. The plan, as I understand it, is to kill the drug cartels, replace the corrupt Mexican government with an American puppet regime, and halt illegal immigration by annexing Mexico. I didn't say the plan makes sense.
China - This is the neo-con wet dream for later in the century. The theory is that China will eventually surpass the United States as the world's greatest superpower. We can either passively let that happen or we can lash out with our military might and put the Yellow Peril in its place. Of course, war with China would be nuclear but that is a plus as nuclear winter will counterbalance global warming.
North Korea - The urge towards war with Iran has quieted this front. Still, the Republican policy is to "stand up" to North Korea, force them into a corner leaving them no other option than lashing out violently.
Venezuela  - I'd like to dismiss this as just Hugo Chavez paranoia except Republicans keep bringing up their desire to overthrow Chavez by force. They have tried to claim, falsely, that Iran has established military bases in Venezuela as a justification for attack.

Romney Goes Bubba

Mitt Romney has declared he is now a Southerner. Although there is no word on his policy position on the proper height of magnolia trees. And I am not looking forward to his rendering of local songs.

When the sun goes down, the tide goes out,
The people gather 'round and they all begin to shout,
"Hey! Hey! Uncle Dud, 
It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi Mud.
 It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi Mud."

Short Takes

Hostile Takeover

Howard Fineman over at HuffPost drew the correct analogy, the Romney campaign looks more like a hostile takeover of the Republican Party than politics. Big money used to convince the shareholders to vote against their own interests combined with an arrogant "Suck it, Losers" attitude towards the opposition. This is just businessman Romney running his campaign as if it were a corporate buyout.

I'm Scared
California may actually be in play this year for the Republican primary which mean we will be inundated with multiple millions of dollars of vicious attack from Romney and his puppet SuperPAC. Television and radio will not be safe places.

They Fibbed
Republicans in Congress are reneging on the budget deal they signed onto last year. Republicans lied? Color me shocked!

Sussing Super Tuesday

Romney's big day. 

Spending Like a Drunken Millionaire
Mitt Romney won Ohio but at what cost? He spent $10 to $12 million, outspending his rivals 10 to 1, to barely eke out a victory. At $25 per vote, his Ohio campaign efficiency, it will take nearly $2 billion for Romney to compete against Obama in a general election. I doubt even Mitt and his billionaire pals can afford that kind of green.

The South Is Dead to Him
Gingrich won Georgia, expected but the margin was not. Romney got swamped in Tennessee, lost handily in Oklahoma, and only got 60% of the vote in Virginia where he was running against nobody. As the Republican nominee, Romney immense unpopularity in the region puts the entire South in play. If a conservative Southerner runs on a third party he could win three to six southern states.

Mitt's It
Romney will be the nominee but unless something changes he will be the weakest Republican nominee since Wendell Wilkie.

What Is a Venture Capitalist?

We are doomed to eight more months of hear Mitt Romney tell us how his being a venture capitalist qualifies him to run the nation's economy. But, what is a "venture capitalist?"

Boston...

Strip away the fancy office and you'll find a venture capitalist is really just an upscale loan shark.

and New Jersey.

Both provide funds to the desperate. Both demand compensation far in excess of bank interest rates. Venture capitalists require businesses to cut them in for a piece of the action. While loan sharks will occasionally muscle in and take over a business for unpaid loans most are more honest and settle for repayment of the loan along with an exorbitant vig. As a rule, loan sharks demand a smaller cut than venture capitalists.

Loan sharks are known to break kneecaps if they aren't paid but are generally less violent because they know the dead never pay off debts. Venture capitalists are cannibalistic. If they have an investment that isn't paying off they cut up the victim, consume the juicy bits and throw away the rest.

Both wear expensive suits and drive expensive cars. Loan sharks tend to stay in the neighborhood and believe they are providing a necessary service. Venture capitalists tend to buy multiple homes in multiple states and also claim they provide a necessary service.

Both are the kind of creeps you'd never associate with unless you absolutely had to.

Gas Is Still Too Cheap

Gas prices here in Southern California are about $4.50 per gallon. You'd think at that price people would avoid wasting it. You'd be wrong.

I was walking through my local grocery store parking lot today and saw four(!!!) people sitting in four(!!!!) big pick-up trucks and SUVs sucking on their Starbucks coffee while parked with their engines running so the air conditioner could keep them cool.

The temperature today is high 70's, not exactly winter wonderland weather but...come on guys!!!!!

Not my picture but I actually saw this once.

In Defense of Mitt Romney

No, I'm not insane and I'm not defending the Mittster. But, I have been reading RedState looking for what rock-ribbed conservatives are saying in defense of Romney when he was attacked by Erick Erickson (here and here if you must) and I've got to say it's lame.


Romney Is Better than a Stick in the Eye
The most common defense is acknowledging that he is a lousy candidate who they dislike and disagree with but that there is no better alternative. Their best defense is "We gotta settle."

Shut Up and Bend Over
Next most common is for Romney supporters to defend nothing and tell their fellow Republicans that Romney will be the nominee and they should stop complaining and take it up the ass like the loser pussies they are.

Stop Being So Mean
There is also a large number of passive Romney supporters who also don't defend their guy but squeak that attacking Mitt is just so very, very mean and they shouldn't be so mean because it's just mean.


Blame Ted Kennedy
Some Romney supporters claim that his pro-abortion, pro-gay, RomneyCare positions are all the fault of Massachusetts and he would have looked a lot more conservative had he lived somewhere else.

We Must Out Liberal Obama
Then there are those Republicans who accept Romney, flaws and all, and are are focused like a laser beam on defeating Obama and to do that they need independents and to win them they need a candidate who is just like Obama, except not.

The Fujimori Option
The last group say it is important to nominate a businessman. It doesn't matter what he believes in or if you agree with him because he will do businessman things in a business-like manner and that he'll be all business.

Core Constituencies

The major the Republican Presidential primary season has been so volatile is that none of the candidates has much of a core constituency.

Romney - Millionaires & Mormons

Slogan: I believe the power to make money is a gift of God … I believe it is my duty to make money and still more money. ~ John D. Rockefeller

Exit polls show that the only group to consistently support Mitt Romney is those in the highest income bracket. It's not exactly a big tent but it does have gold tent poles. As for Mormons, no true believer would dare risk excommunication by publicly opposing a Mormon bishop running for President. It is an article of faith predicted by the Prophet Joseph Smith that their church is destined to control the United States government and impose a Mormon Theodemocracy upon the nation.

Santorum - Opus Dei

Slogan: All comes from carnal lust, which is in women insatiable. ~ Malleus Maleficarum

Rick Santorum's base is Catholic, but not all Catholics. Only a handful of the most radical sects can be counted on for unwavering support. So, while Santorum may be high in the polls his base is the smallest of the four candidates.

Newt Gingrich - Rednecks

Slogan: Newt's gooder'n grits.

Newt may have the largest core constituency, white males born in the Deep South with little formal education and fewer teeth. His problem is there ain't too many of them in the rest of the country and most can't remember how to vote. 

Ron Paul - Stormfront

Slogan: Fourteen Words.

Paul's goal is not to be nominated President but to grow The Cause. If he succeeds in placing his son, Rand, on the ticket then Ron Paul will have accomplished more for The Cause than David Duke and Lincoln Rockwell combined.