More Money Than Sense - NBA Edition

Like many of the US aristocracy, Steve Ballmer is an rich idiot who have no concept of the value of money. He's buying the LA Clippers for a totally insane $2 billion.

Before Donald Sterling put his foot in his mouth all the way up to the hip, the Clippers were valued at a quarter of that amount, $575 million by Forbes. With operating income of only $15 million, Ballmer's price comes to a rate of return of a microscopic 0.8%. According to Ballmer, the Clippers are worth almost twice their rivals, the LA Lakers, and worth as much as the LA Dodgers.

(Sanity Check: The Dodgers sold 3.7 million tickets in 2013, the Clippers sold just 790,000 tickets.)


What makes sense is that Ballmer is rewarding Sterling for his courageous stand in favor of gross racism. The only other explanation is that while Ballmer has more money than Croesus, he has the rational decision making skills of a kumquat. He is a walking, talking, spending argument for a marginal tax rate of 90%.

Veteran's Administration Perspective

I'm not going to say that the screw up that is the Veteran's Administration isn't horrible and doesn't need major fixes. I will say it's not new. The VA has been for most of its history failing to serve ex-servicemembers.

World War II
Immediately after World War II, President Harry Truman appointed Gen. Omar Bradley to clean up the VA. Bradley was second only to Dwight Eisenhower in the pantheon of American WWII generals. Bradley, in turn, brought in Eisenhower's theater surgeon, Major General Paul Hawley, who described the VA medical care system as "medieval."

Korean War
Many soldiers suffered frostbite during the bitter winter battles. The VA didn't recognize the long term effects of battle related frostbite until 1997, 45 years after the was ended.

Vietnam War
The generals in this war thought it would be easier to fight if they turned the country into a parking lot so they spread the herbicide all over the place. Symptoms of Agent Orange poisoning followed the veterans home but the Pentagon didn't want to admit they had engaged in chemical warfare in Vietnam. Therefore, the VA spent decades denying help to Vietnam War vets. Again, it wasn't until the Clinton Administration that the VA changed.

Personal
In the 1980's a close friend was being treated for cancer at a VA hospital. They were doing a royally shitty job of it and she was dying. Then her husband took her out of the VA system and paid thousand of dollars for private treatment and she went into remission.

I don't know what conclusions we can draw from this. But it is true that Pentagon generals and congressmen prefer spending money on fancy new weapons and rather think that investing in wounded warriors isn't very showy.

Five Biggest Fails of the Last Decade

We're not talking your normal cock-ups but fails so monumental it would have been infinitely better to not have tried at all.

1.) The Rapture

Harold Camping was the latest, in 2011, of a long line of religious hucksters to predict the end of the world. He had had used his own propitiatory form of numerology (that wasn't the least bit satanic) to predict the exact date and time of the rapture when Bible believing Christians would be whisked up out of the clothes and carried naked to heaven to be out of harm's way for the end of the world. Camping's church publicized his prediction across his 150 station radio network and bought numerous billboards

advertising the event. Of course, May 21 came and went without so much as a plague of frogs so Camping adjusted his prediction six months to October 21 and tried again. And failed again.

True believers sold off their property and quit their jobs to prepare for Judgement Day. One mother tried to kill herself and two children so they wouldn't have to live through Armageddon. Many committed suicide either because they couldn't face the future or in grief because thought they had been left behind. Camping's Family Radio Network began believing its own con and started spending money like there was no tomorrow (literally). After the failed predictions, donations disappeared faster than a raptured soul. Camping didn't just kill innocent dupes, he killed his own golden egged goose.

2. Operation American Spring

For months, Col. Harry Riley (ret.) has been planning the biggest march on Washington in American history. He predicted 10 to 30 million people, righteous patriots, would gather last weekend (May 16, 2014) to force the ouster of the elected leadership of the United States with a tribunal led by Rand Paul and Ted Cruz taking charge until the Constitution could be restored. Col. Riley wanted at least a million people to stay in the capitol for several weeks until the government fell and freedom was restored

Turn out was a tad light. Only a few hundred, not a few million, showed up. The protesters were outnumbered by tourists.  Excuses abound (although the best have been proposed by liberals). Supporters blame:

• the weather, claiming millions were trapped in campgrounds in Virginia by rain,
• that nearly 2 million people were actually there but media censorship blocked coverage. Here are several pictures taken of the actual event,
• millions would have come but they couldn't get time off work for the revolution,
• the traitor Glenn Beck sabotaged the event by bad mouthing it,
• real patriots stayed away because they were told to not bring their guns.

3. Rudy Giuliani's Presidential Campaign

Rudy Giuliani had been humiliated by Hillary Clinton when he ran for the Senate in 2000. But he was rehabilitated by terrorists on 9-11 and by 2007 he was the clear frontrunner for the Republican presidential nomination the next year. In March 2007, Gallup polls gave Rudy a 24 point lead over second place John McCain. He had a shitload of money, by the third quarter of 2007 Rudy had more money on hand than Mitt Romney and John McCain combined.

But Rudy didn't want to invest his money in retail politics in places like Iowa or New Hampshire. He preferred big media buys in big states like Florida and California. And his campaign tactics were downright bizarre. For example, he would "spontaneously" interrupt events to take phone calls from his "loving" wife (he was having a not very secret affair with Judith Nathan at the time). He avoided the early primaries and racked up a string of embarrassing single digit results.

Add in corruption scandals (Bernie Kerik), sex scandals (Judith Nathan affair), business scandals (his law firm worked for a pro-al Qaeda Arab royal family), liberal scandals (he was pro abortion), and weirdness scandals (appearing at public events in drag), and Rudy's campaign withered like an orchid in the Mohave Desert.

4. Anti-Gay Marriage Movement

The Family Research Council was founded in 1983. Their raison d'etre is to make life miserable for gay people everywhere. When they started, gay marriage was illegal in all fifty states. Even the concept of marriage-like civil union existed nowhere. Like King Canute, the FRC has stood on the shore and commanded the tide of social change to not come in. And like King Canute, they have failed.

At the beginning of the year, same sex marriage was legal in 17 states. Just this year, judges in seven additional states have ruled bans unconstitutional. Polls indicated that nearly 60% of Americans approve of gay marriage while only one in three stand opposed. The anti-gay marriage movement has failed faster than the pro-slavery supporters and those opposing women's suffrage.

5. Kill Obamacare Movement

Remember six months ago? The Republican Party was united under the leadership of a wackadoodle named Ted Cruz. They proudly shut down the government and proposed collapsing the entire economy to prevent Americans from having access to reasonably priced health insurance. They were going to repeal Obamacare or destroy the nation trying.

That was then. Recent polls show 60% of the public want to keep or improve the Affordable Care Act. While Republicans will still talk the game to their radicals, but only if they are forced to. Mostly Republican politicians have grown strangely quiet on the issue and will admit, in the seclusion of K Street cocktail parties that Obamacare is here to stay.

  

Operation American Spring

Today, the modern incarnation of the John Birch Society is transporting the entire population of Ohio (at least 10 million patriots) to the 146 acres of Washington Mall to stay there until President Obama is forcibly removed from the White House. (Sanity Check: That's half a square foot per person). By the mass of humanity and the force of their numbers they plan to shut down the government until their demands are met.

Unfortunately, its drizzling today in Washington and brave patriots like these hate getting a little wet so turnout has been somewhat below predictions. The attendance is more like the population of Hoot and Holler, Texas. Their own video. The early "live stream" consisted of one guy webcaming from his RV while his wife is looking for a place to park.

(Sanity Check: If they were bringing 10 million people in town, there would not be a place to park.)

But, Twitter is alive with the voice of the Second American Revolution.

One speaker said he understood if people couldn't get to Washington, but they can go to their state capitol. Or they can go to their county seat. And if that's not possible, they can set up a lawn chair in their front yard. Which means somewhere in our great land there are 9,999,000 revolting Americans sitting in lawn chairs for freedom.

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Or, if that's inconvenient, you can use Bud Lite.

Fire and Ice Weather

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I’ve tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,

I think I know enough of hate

To say that for destruction ice

Is also great

And would suffice. ~ Robert Frost

 Weird weather (climate change, anyone?).

• Nasty snowstorms in the Rocky Mountains, five inches of snow in Denver, Interstate 80 closed for snow from Wyoming to Nebraska.
• In Southern California, some 800 miles to the southwest, temperatures are in the mid-90's, humidity in single digits, and wildfires are threatening some of the tonier McMansions and ranchettes in San Diego. The fires double in size every thirty minutes. Thousands of residents and the Fairbanks Country Club ($75,000 to join), have been evacuated.
• Last week, in the other direction 400 miles southeast of Denver, the same conditions including severe drought were burning wildfires through the Texas Panhandle. As of now, 89 homes have been destroyed.
• Another 400 miles farther east, heavy storms will pummel eastern Texas with 3 to 5 inches of rain. Tomorrow, severe thunderstorms and possible tornadoes will ravage the nation from New Orleans to Pittsburgh.

But don't worry, everybody. We all know that climate change is a myth, the snow in Denver proves that.

Our Future: Billionaire Blood Banks

Elizabeth Bathory was born into the royal line of Hungary, her father was a baron and her cousin become King of Poland. Upon marrying Count Ferenc Nadasdy achieved the title or countess. She was the more important in the marriage so she kept her maiden name and her husband added Bathory to his surname.

She believed that she could stay youthful and beautiful by bathing in the blood on young virgins. Because she was extremely rich and powerful she was able to act on those beliefs. Countess Bathory would gather young women, the children of starving peasants from the countryside surrounding her Transylvanian castle. She would bring the girls into her household as servants where she would torture and murder the girls after which she would have other servants, and future victims, bathe her in the girls blood.

I bring up that 16th century story because of a brief news story from yesterday. Elderly mice, when injected with the blood of baby mice, are invigorated and behave as if they were much younger. Scientists are, of course, thrilled at the discovery and predict that some time in the future transfusions of young blood could cure ailments of elderly humans. I see a more terrifying near future.

Billionaire Blood Bank

There are a number of amoral billionaires in our modern world - Donald Sterling, the Koch Brothers, quite a few Saudi princes, Vlad Putin and other Russian oligarchs - who are rapidly aging and cannot wait for scientists to develop ethical protocols for using youthful blood to treat the elderly. I expect they will want to develop their own, private supplies of young blood. I foresee billionaires setting up third world orphanages where, in exchange for better lives than they had on the street, young children would be blood taps for their rich sponsors.

We already see this in the black market trade in human organs. In 1999, American billionaire Richard DeVos received the healthy heart of a British woman for the cost of only £60,000. In Mexico there is a thriving criminal trade in kidnapping children to harvest their organs for the American market. Right-wing theorists continually lobby for the total legalization of the human body part market (the Chicago could sell pork bellies along side of human liver futures).

Justice Scalia's Views on Judical Consideration

 `Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
...
`That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury. They were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when the White Rabbit interrupted: `Unimportant, your Majesty means, of course,' he said in a very respectful tone.
`Unimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and went on to himself in an undertone, `important--unimportant-- unimportant--important--' as if he were trying which word sounded best.
...
`No, no!' said the Queen. `Sentence first--verdict afterwards.' 

Scalia opining from the bench.

Thoughts on learning that Scalia can't even be bothered researching his own decisions before just making shit up. Like the royal couple in Alice in Wonderland, Scalia reaches his opinions before cases are ever heard then set about justifying his positions - facts be damned.

Massa Sterling and His Friends

NBA star David West put the Donald Sterling matter more eloquently than anyone else.

Sterling basically articulated Plantation Politics...Make money off the Bucks/Lay with the Women/No Association in Public good or bad. ~ David West

Although I would have put things more grossly. What interests me at the moment is the clear divide between urbane conservatives, like the writers at National Review, and Sterling's only supporters - rank and file conservatives.

NR's David French works for the American Center for Law and Justice which counts among its successes efforts to legalize genocide of homosexuals in Africa. French's article, Donald Sterling Had to Go, inarticulately points out that Sterling had treated his black employees horribly, has managed his team badly, and worse of all insulted Magic Johnson as grounds for banishment. It's not a great defense of the NBA banning Sterling, but if we grade conservatives on a curve it earns an A-.

Aside: Actual grounds - Sterling is a racist slumlord who should have been expelled from the NBA and decent society decades ago.

Contrast that with the bulk of rank and file conservative thought as expressed in the comments at the website Hot Air. There are over 800 comments to this issue and most of them hold some or all of the following opinions:

•  Don't punish Sterling because there are Black racists too.
• "Slippery slope" (thanks Mark Cuban) that will lead to expelling homophobic owners and, eventually, a fascist state where thought crimes will be punished with prison.
• Sterling had every right to say what he did because - First Amendment.
• This is all a grand conspiracy between the NBA and Magic Johnson to let him buy the Clippers at a bargain price.
• Sterling is the victim here of (choose one) the liberal media, a golddigger who illegally taped him, Magic Johnson, Al Sharpton (huh?).

Some of my favorite quotes:

• In the case of “racist thoughts”, there is no longer two sides. That is what I meant by the left has already won. They already got you to accept their basic premise that racist thoughts are moral crimes. ~ HugoDrax. (Misses the good old days when racism was the basic premise of society.)
• Who hasn’t made such remarks in the privacy of a close friend? ~ cajunpatriot. (Not as many as you think.)
• This is chilling. ~ TinFin. (Put on a coat.)

Sister Sarah and Forced Baptism

Sarah Palin choose to wear a virginal white frock for her speech to the NRA.

Reminding me of the notorious Roaring Twenties preacher Amiee Semple McPherson, but that's a story for another time.

Sister Sarah's biggest applause line was when she said she would use torture to forcibly convert Muslims to Christianity.

If I were in charge they would know that waterboarding is how we baptize terrorists. ~ Sarah Palin, 2014

Lots of people, even Republicans, have written about it mostly shuddering in horror at how close we came to having that crazy bitch as Vice-President. I share the sentiment. Sister Sarah is one of the leaders of the Shove-Christianity-Down-Our-Throats wing of the Republican Party so her bringing up one of the darker practices of the Christian faith is a little chilling.

Forced Baptism

Holy Roman Emperor Charlemagne would have defeated non-Christian prisoners of war (above: defeated Saxons) brought before him to be forcibly baptized. Those who refused the gift of baptism were put to death. This same practice was used by the Spanish Inquisition against Jews and Muslims. They would be giving the opportunity to be baptized. Many were tortured first to convince them to accept conversion.

The Portuguese in their India possessions used torture to forcibly convert Hindus to the Catholic faith into the 19th century. The forcible conversion of Native American children into Christians continued into the 20th century in government sponsored boarding schools' children who refused baptism were beaten.

I shudder to think if Sister Sarah, or anyone like her, were ever to be in charge.

Cliven Bundy and the "Negro Problem"

Republicans are falling over themselves repositioning after their beloved symbol of conservatism has revealed his neolithic racial attitudes. Supporters like Rand Paul are declaring themselves shocked, shocked I say, to hear such words spoken. Bullshit.

The Cliven Bundy type is not uncommon in rural America, you can find them congregating in small cafes in the isolated backwaters of the country. Paul has certainly encountered them. I know I have. These people have self-exiled themselves from American society.

They home school their children, if you can call what they teach schooling, because they fear government book learning. They teach that reading anything other than the Bible is a sin and that science is a satanic lie. They are paranoid in that they are certain that modern life is trying to destroy their beliefs, their way of life, and their very souls. They hate all government, except when they want something from the government like free fire fighting then they complain that the government isn't fast enough. In order, they value:

• Their personal freedom (but fuck everyone else's freedom)
• Bible
• Guns
• Pickup trucks
• Male children
• Livestock
• Womenfolk (they actually still use that word)

Of course, it makes sense, to them, to use women as human shield. They wouldn't want to risk anything valuable, like cattle.

They are living relics of American life nearly 200 years ago when racism was normal, the church was the center of society, and government didn't exist outside of Eastern cities. As far as they think about this, they believe that the nation went off track when Lincoln snuffed out liberty in the Confederate states and that the federal government has been illegitimate since the 1860's. This is the philosophy of Antonin Scalia, Rand Paul, Sean Hannity, and the Tea Party.

Bench Clearing Brawls

A completely unrelated news item got me thinking about this subject. The San Diego and Los Angeles police departments held a charity football game. The SDPD is so uneducated on the subject of crime (They think their jobs is primarily shooting unarmed citizens.) that they left the guns and badges in unattended duffel bags instead of the conveniently provided lockers where they could, you know, lock up their valuables.

That got me thinking about the worst bench clearing brawls in sports because....

NYPD v. NYFD

A couple weeks ago New York first responders held a friendly hockey game to raise money for their widow's and children benefit funds. The friendly match became an all out blood match in the second period. In the tradition of omerta, neither side is talking and the available video doesn't show how it started. I'm guessing it was the cops because the NYPD was on a five game losing streak and aren't noted for gentlemanly behavior.

Worst Hockey Brawl Ever

It was not in the NHL nor even among professionals. The 1987 Junior World Championship held in Czechoslovakia saw Canada and the Soviet Union engage in a violent free for all. At the time the Canadian team was certain of getting a medal, probably gold, while the Soviet team was, embarrassingly, already eliminated from the medal round. According to Canadian sources, the Russians had been cheap shotting the Canucks all game and when one Canadian player fought back the Russians gang rushed him from the bench. However, the Canadian players had already had a pre-game brawl with the American team. The officials were so overwhelmed they gave up and left the ice mid way through the melee. Afterwards, the Communist Czech government sent armed soldiers to expel the Canadian team from the country.

Worst Baseball Fight

Baseball fights tend to be boring, usually just guys milling around trying to not injure their throwing hands. One exception was the San Diego Padres in Atlanta in 1984. The Atlanta pitcher, Pascual Perez, threw at the San Diego lead-off hitter with the very first pitch of the game. Perez had a reputation of a jerk who like throwing at people (and loved cocaine). When Perez came to bat the San Diego pitcher retaliated by throwing at him but missed. He tried, and missed, a second time. These first two tries resulted in your standard baseball bench clearing mill fest.

Finally, in the eight inning, relief pitcher Craig Lefferts managed to complete the retaliation by hitting Perez with a pitch. This time the benches cleared with violent intent. Players ran at each other throwing punches and gang tackling opponents. At one point Padre pinch hitter Champ Summers noticed that Perez was not on the field with his teammates but hiding in the Atlanta dugout. Summers ran for Perez but was stopped by an Atlanta player and several beer throwing fans. Order was finally restored. For half an inning. In the top of the ninth, Atlanta relief pitcher Donnie Moore threw at the first batter he faced and the benches cleared again for another WWE battle royal. Somehow, the game ended. Atlanta won the game; San Diego won the pennant.

Religious Profits

Easter is a time of religion (except when it is a time of bunnies laying colored eggs) when the great religious profits of our age rise in all their shiny glory. Note, I said "profit" not "prophet" because Easter is a time when the great churches shear their flock.

The Lakewood Church (pictured above) is, according to Forbes, the richest church in the United States. While nominally Christian the church really preaches from the gospel according to Gordon Gecko. The church bought a sports arena that once housed the NBA Houston Rockets and seats 16,800 suckers. Pastor Joel Osteen has used religion to become a multimillionaire living in a $10 million mansion.

God wants us to prosper financially, to have plenty of money, to fulfill the destiny He has laid out for us. ~ Joel Osteen

The second richest church in America is also located in Houston. While the church itself only seats 4,500 souls it has numerous other profit centers including a shopping mall and private school. Pastor Hector (Ed) Young harangues his parishioners into ponying up their income into his pocket.

There are many pastors who take million dollar salaries from their churches. One man who really enjoys the perks of a religious life is Kenneth Copeland (also Texas). In addition to a seven figure salary his church has bought him a $17 million private jet and a $6 million, 18,000 square foot mansion (above) with a private airport.

Not to be outdone by their Texas brethren, the Catholic Church in Orange County, California is spending $100 million to buy and refit the ostentatious Crystal Cathedral (above) from televangelist Robert Schuller's bankrupt ministry because the diocese's current cathedral is supposedly outdated at 50 years old. For perspective, Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris is 660 years old while the Metropolitan Cathedral in Mexico City is 200 years old. But, you know, you can't spend that kind of money of the hungry, homeless, sick or elderly because what sort of message would that send God.

Back to Reality

I've been away from my keyboard for a couple weeks enjoying the Alaska Folk Festival in Juneau. During that time I diligently avoided depressing shit like news. (Although, I did find out about a plan to dig up a fertile salmon fishery to mine pebbles. The Alaska government has some sick puppies in it.) Now that I'm back I can see the world has been able to maintain its absurd level of insanity.

• Russia - Putin, attempting to copy Hitler is all things great and small, has sent agent provocateurs into eastern Ukraine to create incidents to justify a military invasion. The question remains where will he stop? Meanwhile, hedge fund managers are planning how to make money on a war between Russia and the US.
• Stabbings - Maniac school stabbings appear to be a new trend. Few people are pointing out that this is a major improvement over school shootings.
• Neo-Nazis - Some Republicans sympathize with the Jewish center shooter.
• Militia - Most Republicans defend the Nevada rancher who wants to graze his cattle, for free, on land he doesn't own and is staging an armed rebellion to defend his right to steal fodder.

Makes a guy want to crawl under a glacier somewhere and listen to a fiddler.

Radical Republicanism PR

Radical Republicans always have difficulty with the public relations. As always, allow me to help them.

Guns Galore in Killeen, TX (even the name of the town has "kill" in it) has provided the weapons for both Fort Hood shootings. They shouldn't be shy. This is the kind of publicity that will attract gun enthusiasts from throughout the country.

Suggested slogan: "Your go to store for all your mass murder needs."

Kentucky Senate candidate Matt Bevin has withdrawn as the keynote speaker at a cock fighting convention. Bevin is claiming to an ignorant hillbilly who didn't understand that cock fighting was the only reason they were getting together.

Bevin should embrace the controversy. He should proudly declare that cock fighting is a treasured Southern tradition, like lynching blacks, and that Northern liberals have no right to deny Kentuckians of the God given right to their blood sports.

Charles Koch whines that he is being picked on over his continuing efforts to turn the United States government into a wholly owned subsidiary of Koch Industries.

I really don't have much advise except, if you don't want people saying you and your brother are the biggest sons of bitches in the history of the United States then you should stop behaving like a couple of solid gold assholes.

Creationism: April's Biggest Fools

One thing you have to hand to creationists, they are extremely creative getting around scientific "fact" in pursuit of their myths.

Light Is Slowing Down

In Cosmos, Neil DeGrasse Tyson makes the obvious point that stars which are billions of light-years away from earth could not have been created 6,000 years ago. But Creationists have already addressed that issue. They theorize that the speed of light is slowing down. They prove their theory by comparing the speed of light estimated by astronomer Ole Roemer in the 1670's when he studied the orbit of the moon Io around Jupiter with the speed calculated by high-tech equipment today. According to their theory, light is fractionally slower now than it was 350 years ago. Creationists conveniently ignore any ancient speed calculation (Like Christiaan Huygens' estimate of 131,000 miles per second) that doesn't fit their theory and declared the phenomenon oddly stopped 50 years ago when measuring equipment got good. Creationists say that the speed of light was a quintillion miles per second in the year 4000 BC.

Noah Solves Everything

Every question involving geology or paleontology is solved with one thing. The Grand Canyon didn't need millions of years to erode, it was made by the Great Flood. Plate tectonics? No, the flood just moved everything. Fossils? All the dinosaurs drowned while Noah floated safely above them. (Actually, there is a school of creationism that claims Noah did save baby dinosaurs but they all died.) The Flood buried plants and created oil and coal deposits almost immediately.

Things Happened Fast Back Then

According to creationists the Ice Age was short and quick, just 250 years and happened while Stonehenge was being built. Neanderthals were created, lived, and died out in less than 100 years. The first twelve Egyptian dynasties get squeezed into that same 250 years and they were throwing together their massive pyramids with amazing speed using dinosaurs. While biblical patriarchs were living hundreds of years, Egyptian pharaohs had the lifespan of crickets. And any archeologist that says different is a Satanic liar.

Opening Day

For the 138 year, a new baseball season is beginning. A few fun tidbits are in order.

Longest Games

On May Day, 1920, the Brooklyn Robins (soon to be called the Brooklyn Dodgers) faced off against the Boston Braves in the second of a three game series. The game lasted 26 innings and was called a 1-1 tie when it was halted due to darkness. Both pitchers threw complete games. Oddly, the next game they played, after taking Sunday off, lasted 19 innings.

In terms of time, the longest game lasted just over eight hours in 1984 between the Chicago White Sox and Milwaukee Brewers. That game was halted after 17 innings and finished the next day. On April 18, 1981, the minor league Pawtucket Red Sox faced the Rochester Red Wings. That game started at 8:25 pm and the teams played continuously (32 innings) until 4:07 am on the 19th when the league president finally got in touch with the umpires and told them to stop the insanity. The players got a couple hours sleep before they played an afternoon game later that day. The game was completed in late June when they played one last, deciding inning.

Worst Base Running

In 1926, the Brooklyn Dodgers were again playing the Boston Braves. They had the bases loaded with the powerful Babe Herman at the plate. Herman lined an extra-base hit off the right field wall. On second base, pitcher Dazzy Vance held up until he was absolutely certain the ball had not been caught, On first base, lead-off hitter Chick Fewster raced towards second and was right behind Vance heading towards third. At the same time Herman sensed triple all the way, put his head down and ran like the wind.

Vance, ever cautious, got to third base and decided to stop there. Fewster also got to third shocked that it was already occupied. All the time Herman kept running and slid into third base at the feet of Vance and Fewster. With three confused Dodgers on the base, third baseman Eddie Taylor tagged everybody and waited for the umpire to sort out the details. Result: double play with pussyfoot Vance declared safe at third.

Moneyball
Miguel Cabrara recently signed a contract that will pay him an average of $31 million a year until the year 2023. Here is a brief history of baseball's highest paid players.

• 1916 - Ty Cobb, 29, is the first player to be paid $20,000 in a season. He led the league in runs and stolen bases that year.
• 1930 - Babe Ruth, 35, saw his salary peak at $80,000. That amount would not be reached again until 1949.
• 1949 - Joe DiMaggio, 34, was the first person paid $100,000 in a season. He only played half the Yankee's games that year and retired after the 1951 season. No salary hit six figures again until Willie Mays in 1963.
• 1976 - Hank Aaron, 42, was paid $240,000. It was his last year.
• 1977 - Mike Schmidt, 27, more than doubled Aaron's salary at $560,000.
• 1980 - Nolan Ryan, 33, was the first player paid a million dollars.
• 1997 - Albert Belle, 30, was the first player paid $10 million.
• 2009 - Alex Rodriguez, 33, signed the largest contract in baseball history at $33 million annually.

Man-Child Pitcher

Of all the oddballs to have played baseball, the oddest might be Rube Waddell. If a fire truck drove by, Rube would drop what he was doing, including pitching, to run after it. Opponents were known to place toys on the field to distract him. Managers would assign babysitters to Rube on the days he pitched so he wouldn't get lost on the way to the ballyard and they wouldn't pay him all at once but only a couple of dollars at a time. With money in his pocket, Rube would disappear for week long drunken benders.

But Rube Waddell was a hell of a pitcher. In 1904 he set a record of 349 strikeouts in a season that was not beaten until Sandy Koufax in 1965. The following year Rube had a league leading 1.48 earned run average leading the Philadelphia Athletics to the American League pennant. His drunkenness forced him from major league baseball in 1910. Two years later Rube was playing minor league ball when a devastating flood hit the town of Hickman, Kentucky. Rube heroically worked saving lives, nearly drowning in the process. Rube got pneumonia and then tuberculosis. At the age of 37, only four years after leaving the majors, Rube Waddell died of consumption.

Chris Christie Cover-Up Tutorial

Chris Christie is really fucking up his cover-up of the Bridgegate scandal. He obviously needs help.

1. Never Target a Scapegoat Who Can Fight Back

Any cover-up needs a good scapegoat, someone upon whom all blame can be leveled. The best scapegoats are dead people. In the Kennedy Assassination cover-up the scapegoat was a conveniently corpsed, Lee Harvey Oswald. Dead scapegoats are capable of superhuman feats because nobody can prove different. Alternatively, you can scapegoat some poor loser who is completely unable of defending himself.

Christie ladled all the blame on his Deputy Chief of Staff, Bridget Kelly. To color the accusation he described her as an insecure slut incapable of rational thought. She's a bad choice. Kelly is an experience political operative who knows how to defend herself. At the beginning of the scandal Kelly was a loyal Christieite willing to take the hit for her boss, secure in the knowledge that her loyalty will be repaid in time. By scapegoating her, Christie has turned a loyal friend into a formidable enemy. A better scapegoat would have been some low-level civil engineer with drug problems who has recently died.

2. Don't Be an Arrogant SOB

People love a good scandal but they are willing to forgive sincere contrition, or even fake contrition. Christie tried this tack, briefly. But contrition fits him like a tutu. He's back to his old in-your-face ways that only works as long as you can keep the trains running on time. Or the bridges don't back up.

3. Be an Ignorant Simpleton

This tactic has worked wonderfully for centuries. Ronald Reagan mastered this role during the Iran-Contra scandal. Even Reagan's most fervent supporters agreed that Reagan was the Forrest Gump of politics, a good-hearted simple-minded fool who didn't understand what was going on around him.

Christie has tried an odd variation of this tactic. His position is that he was so focused on the grand issues, like the origins of the universe, that he couldn't be bothered with the minutia of day-to-day governance. He claims ignorance because the petty problems of the people of New Jersey are beneath him. It's an interesting tactic that I can't see working.

4. If All Else Fails, Tell the Truth
Chris Christie would rather wear a tutu in public than resort to that.

White Man's Wampum

Dan Snyder owns the Washington NFL franchise. He is a billionaire. He is also a racist SOB. He has been given many opportunities to change the name of his team from Redskins, the Native American version of "darky," to, literally, anything less insulting. He has continually refused even though he'd make millions by selling new versions all the team's worthless trinkets.

People actually buy this shit, now on sale for $17.99.

Back in October, Snyder tried to use history to justify the name, noting the 1932 Boston Redskins had a Native American coach (Actually, the coach, William Henry Dietz, was probably a white man masquerading as an Indian). What Snyder neglects to mention is that the team name was chosen by the team's new owner, George Prescott Marshall. Snyder forgot to mention that Marshall made his head coach wear a feathered headdress and dance on the field. Snyder also neglected to mention that Marshall was a renown racist who for three decades refused to hire any African-American players and his legacy, the George Prescott Marshall Foundation is specifically forbidden from spending any money supporting "the principle of racial integration."

We'll start signing Negroes when the Harlem Globetrotters start signing whites. ~ George Prescott Marshall

The legacy of the Washington Redskins is one of vile racial prejudice.

In the subsequent months Snyder searched far and wide for Native Americans willing to trade their pride for money. He found a few by promising a Redskins Foundation that has already taken a page out of the 19th century by trading 3000 coats to Plains tribes in exchange for supporting the demeaning nickname of the Washington franchise.

However, Native Americans are not now worshiping Dan Snyder as their Great White Father in Washington. Surprising.

In fairness to Snyder, the Cleveland Indians still have their horribly racist cartoon logo, Chief Wahoo, which is just as bad.

War Wishes

John McCain thinks "it's tragic" that the United States will not be going to war with Russia over Crimea. He said to Andrea Mitchell that he'd "love" to tell her there was a military option but he didn't see one.

The war weary.

William Kristol frets that Americans are war-weary but is confident that a with the proper Republican orator "a war-weary public can be awakened and rallied" and lead us to victory. Certainly history has such great orators who took war-weary nations and inspired them to enthusiastically invade Russia. Napoleon and Hitler come to mind.

Republican jonesing for war is a common thread of the 21st century.

Iraq
This is the one recreational war Republican wanted that they got. Republicans assured the country that the war would be quick, easy, and fun. 

McCain predicted a swift war ending in three weeks.
Kristol was more cautious, predicting the war would end in two months.

It took eight years, was painfully difficult, and miserable.

Iran
Starting shortly after the Iraq War started Republicans began talking up "regime change" through attacking of Iran.

In 2008 McCain enjoyed joking about bombing Iran.
Kristol has been predicting and urging was with Iran annually for years. In 2006 he thought it would happen "soon." The following year he said that President Bush could rally Americans for an Iran War by 2008. Kristol thought 2010 was the perfect opportunity to begin war with Iran. In 2012 he urged Congress to declare war. He did that again last year.

But Iran is suddenly no long the focus of Republican warrior masturbation because...

Russia
I can't find any Republicans willing to predict war with Russia will be easy and over in a few weeks.  I can, however, find a number of Republicans that seemingly would be rooting for Russia against the US.

Russian Crimea Vote - History Repeats Itself

The Russian vote in Crimea over the weekend has an exact historical antecedent.

On February 27, Vlad Putin ordered his troops to take possession of various key points on the Crimean peninsula. On March 16, with his forces in firm control over the territory, Putin held a referendum to justify the takeover. People who might have voted against Putin were threatened and intimidated into silence. The result of the vote was 96% in favor of the takeover, according to CNN.

On March 12, 1938, Hitler ordered his troops to march into Austria and take possession of that German speaking country (the Anschluss or Union). After taking control of the nation Hitler set about justifying the takeover by holding a referendum. Jews, communists, and others who might have objected to the takeover were arrested and shipped to concentration camps in Germany or otherwise intimidated by the Gestapo. On April 10, Austrians voted on the German takeover, the result of the vote was 99% in favor.

In both instances the votes were held at the point of bayonets although they certainly would have been approved without intimidation just not with such impressively overwhelming numbers.

As pointed out by this writer, this is not Godwin's Law but an amazingly similar historical parallel. It is almost as if Putin wants to take the mantle of Worst Vlad in History away from Vlad Tepes.