Back to Reality

I've been away from my keyboard for a couple weeks enjoying the Alaska Folk Festival in Juneau. During that time I diligently avoided depressing shit like news. (Although, I did find out about a plan to dig up a fertile salmon fishery to mine pebbles. The Alaska government has some sick puppies in it.) Now that I'm back I can see the world has been able to maintain its absurd level of insanity.

• Russia - Putin, attempting to copy Hitler is all things great and small, has sent agent provocateurs into eastern Ukraine to create incidents to justify a military invasion. The question remains where will he stop? Meanwhile, hedge fund managers are planning how to make money on a war between Russia and the US.
• Stabbings - Maniac school stabbings appear to be a new trend. Few people are pointing out that this is a major improvement over school shootings.
• Neo-Nazis - Some Republicans sympathize with the Jewish center shooter.
• Militia - Most Republicans defend the Nevada rancher who wants to graze his cattle, for free, on land he doesn't own and is staging an armed rebellion to defend his right to steal fodder.

Makes a guy want to crawl under a glacier somewhere and listen to a fiddler.

Radical Republicanism PR

Radical Republicans always have difficulty with the public relations. As always, allow me to help them.

Guns Galore in Killeen, TX (even the name of the town has "kill" in it) has provided the weapons for both Fort Hood shootings. They shouldn't be shy. This is the kind of publicity that will attract gun enthusiasts from throughout the country.

Suggested slogan: "Your go to store for all your mass murder needs."

Kentucky Senate candidate Matt Bevin has withdrawn as the keynote speaker at a cock fighting convention. Bevin is claiming to an ignorant hillbilly who didn't understand that cock fighting was the only reason they were getting together.

Bevin should embrace the controversy. He should proudly declare that cock fighting is a treasured Southern tradition, like lynching blacks, and that Northern liberals have no right to deny Kentuckians of the God given right to their blood sports.

Charles Koch whines that he is being picked on over his continuing efforts to turn the United States government into a wholly owned subsidiary of Koch Industries.

I really don't have much advise except, if you don't want people saying you and your brother are the biggest sons of bitches in the history of the United States then you should stop behaving like a couple of solid gold assholes.

Creationism: April's Biggest Fools

One thing you have to hand to creationists, they are extremely creative getting around scientific "fact" in pursuit of their myths.

Light Is Slowing Down

In Cosmos, Neil DeGrasse Tyson makes the obvious point that stars which are billions of light-years away from earth could not have been created 6,000 years ago. But Creationists have already addressed that issue. They theorize that the speed of light is slowing down. They prove their theory by comparing the speed of light estimated by astronomer Ole Roemer in the 1670's when he studied the orbit of the moon Io around Jupiter with the speed calculated by high-tech equipment today. According to their theory, light is fractionally slower now than it was 350 years ago. Creationists conveniently ignore any ancient speed calculation (Like Christiaan Huygens' estimate of 131,000 miles per second) that doesn't fit their theory and declared the phenomenon oddly stopped 50 years ago when measuring equipment got good. Creationists say that the speed of light was a quintillion miles per second in the year 4000 BC.

Noah Solves Everything

Every question involving geology or paleontology is solved with one thing. The Grand Canyon didn't need millions of years to erode, it was made by the Great Flood. Plate tectonics? No, the flood just moved everything. Fossils? All the dinosaurs drowned while Noah floated safely above them. (Actually, there is a school of creationism that claims Noah did save baby dinosaurs but they all died.) The Flood buried plants and created oil and coal deposits almost immediately.

Things Happened Fast Back Then

According to creationists the Ice Age was short and quick, just 250 years and happened while Stonehenge was being built. Neanderthals were created, lived, and died out in less than 100 years. The first twelve Egyptian dynasties get squeezed into that same 250 years and they were throwing together their massive pyramids with amazing speed using dinosaurs. While biblical patriarchs were living hundreds of years, Egyptian pharaohs had the lifespan of crickets. And any archeologist that says different is a Satanic liar.

Opening Day

For the 138 year, a new baseball season is beginning. A few fun tidbits are in order.

Longest Games

On May Day, 1920, the Brooklyn Robins (soon to be called the Brooklyn Dodgers) faced off against the Boston Braves in the second of a three game series. The game lasted 26 innings and was called a 1-1 tie when it was halted due to darkness. Both pitchers threw complete games. Oddly, the next game they played, after taking Sunday off, lasted 19 innings.

In terms of time, the longest game lasted just over eight hours in 1984 between the Chicago White Sox and Milwaukee Brewers. That game was halted after 17 innings and finished the next day. On April 18, 1981, the minor league Pawtucket Red Sox faced the Rochester Red Wings. That game started at 8:25 pm and the teams played continuously (32 innings) until 4:07 am on the 19th when the league president finally got in touch with the umpires and told them to stop the insanity. The players got a couple hours sleep before they played an afternoon game later that day. The game was completed in late June when they played one last, deciding inning.

Worst Base Running

In 1926, the Brooklyn Dodgers were again playing the Boston Braves. They had the bases loaded with the powerful Babe Herman at the plate. Herman lined an extra-base hit off the right field wall. On second base, pitcher Dazzy Vance held up until he was absolutely certain the ball had not been caught, On first base, lead-off hitter Chick Fewster raced towards second and was right behind Vance heading towards third. At the same time Herman sensed triple all the way, put his head down and ran like the wind.

Vance, ever cautious, got to third base and decided to stop there. Fewster also got to third shocked that it was already occupied. All the time Herman kept running and slid into third base at the feet of Vance and Fewster. With three confused Dodgers on the base, third baseman Eddie Taylor tagged everybody and waited for the umpire to sort out the details. Result: double play with pussyfoot Vance declared safe at third.

Moneyball
Miguel Cabrara recently signed a contract that will pay him an average of $31 million a year until the year 2023. Here is a brief history of baseball's highest paid players.

• 1916 - Ty Cobb, 29, is the first player to be paid $20,000 in a season. He led the league in runs and stolen bases that year.
• 1930 - Babe Ruth, 35, saw his salary peak at $80,000. That amount would not be reached again until 1949.
• 1949 - Joe DiMaggio, 34, was the first person paid $100,000 in a season. He only played half the Yankee's games that year and retired after the 1951 season. No salary hit six figures again until Willie Mays in 1963.
• 1976 - Hank Aaron, 42, was paid $240,000. It was his last year.
• 1977 - Mike Schmidt, 27, more than doubled Aaron's salary at $560,000.
• 1980 - Nolan Ryan, 33, was the first player paid a million dollars.
• 1997 - Albert Belle, 30, was the first player paid $10 million.
• 2009 - Alex Rodriguez, 33, signed the largest contract in baseball history at $33 million annually.

Man-Child Pitcher

Of all the oddballs to have played baseball, the oddest might be Rube Waddell. If a fire truck drove by, Rube would drop what he was doing, including pitching, to run after it. Opponents were known to place toys on the field to distract him. Managers would assign babysitters to Rube on the days he pitched so he wouldn't get lost on the way to the ballyard and they wouldn't pay him all at once but only a couple of dollars at a time. With money in his pocket, Rube would disappear for week long drunken benders.

But Rube Waddell was a hell of a pitcher. In 1904 he set a record of 349 strikeouts in a season that was not beaten until Sandy Koufax in 1965. The following year Rube had a league leading 1.48 earned run average leading the Philadelphia Athletics to the American League pennant. His drunkenness forced him from major league baseball in 1910. Two years later Rube was playing minor league ball when a devastating flood hit the town of Hickman, Kentucky. Rube heroically worked saving lives, nearly drowning in the process. Rube got pneumonia and then tuberculosis. At the age of 37, only four years after leaving the majors, Rube Waddell died of consumption.

Chris Christie Cover-Up Tutorial

Chris Christie is really fucking up his cover-up of the Bridgegate scandal. He obviously needs help.

1. Never Target a Scapegoat Who Can Fight Back

Any cover-up needs a good scapegoat, someone upon whom all blame can be leveled. The best scapegoats are dead people. In the Kennedy Assassination cover-up the scapegoat was a conveniently corpsed, Lee Harvey Oswald. Dead scapegoats are capable of superhuman feats because nobody can prove different. Alternatively, you can scapegoat some poor loser who is completely unable of defending himself.

Christie ladled all the blame on his Deputy Chief of Staff, Bridget Kelly. To color the accusation he described her as an insecure slut incapable of rational thought. She's a bad choice. Kelly is an experience political operative who knows how to defend herself. At the beginning of the scandal Kelly was a loyal Christieite willing to take the hit for her boss, secure in the knowledge that her loyalty will be repaid in time. By scapegoating her, Christie has turned a loyal friend into a formidable enemy. A better scapegoat would have been some low-level civil engineer with drug problems who has recently died.

2. Don't Be an Arrogant SOB

People love a good scandal but they are willing to forgive sincere contrition, or even fake contrition. Christie tried this tack, briefly. But contrition fits him like a tutu. He's back to his old in-your-face ways that only works as long as you can keep the trains running on time. Or the bridges don't back up.

3. Be an Ignorant Simpleton

This tactic has worked wonderfully for centuries. Ronald Reagan mastered this role during the Iran-Contra scandal. Even Reagan's most fervent supporters agreed that Reagan was the Forrest Gump of politics, a good-hearted simple-minded fool who didn't understand what was going on around him.

Christie has tried an odd variation of this tactic. His position is that he was so focused on the grand issues, like the origins of the universe, that he couldn't be bothered with the minutia of day-to-day governance. He claims ignorance because the petty problems of the people of New Jersey are beneath him. It's an interesting tactic that I can't see working.

4. If All Else Fails, Tell the Truth
Chris Christie would rather wear a tutu in public than resort to that.

White Man's Wampum

Dan Snyder owns the Washington NFL franchise. He is a billionaire. He is also a racist SOB. He has been given many opportunities to change the name of his team from Redskins, the Native American version of "darky," to, literally, anything less insulting. He has continually refused even though he'd make millions by selling new versions all the team's worthless trinkets.

People actually buy this shit, now on sale for $17.99.

Back in October, Snyder tried to use history to justify the name, noting the 1932 Boston Redskins had a Native American coach (Actually, the coach, William Henry Dietz, was probably a white man masquerading as an Indian). What Snyder neglects to mention is that the team name was chosen by the team's new owner, George Prescott Marshall. Snyder forgot to mention that Marshall made his head coach wear a feathered headdress and dance on the field. Snyder also neglected to mention that Marshall was a renown racist who for three decades refused to hire any African-American players and his legacy, the George Prescott Marshall Foundation is specifically forbidden from spending any money supporting "the principle of racial integration."

We'll start signing Negroes when the Harlem Globetrotters start signing whites. ~ George Prescott Marshall

The legacy of the Washington Redskins is one of vile racial prejudice.

In the subsequent months Snyder searched far and wide for Native Americans willing to trade their pride for money. He found a few by promising a Redskins Foundation that has already taken a page out of the 19th century by trading 3000 coats to Plains tribes in exchange for supporting the demeaning nickname of the Washington franchise.

However, Native Americans are not now worshiping Dan Snyder as their Great White Father in Washington. Surprising.

In fairness to Snyder, the Cleveland Indians still have their horribly racist cartoon logo, Chief Wahoo, which is just as bad.

War Wishes

John McCain thinks "it's tragic" that the United States will not be going to war with Russia over Crimea. He said to Andrea Mitchell that he'd "love" to tell her there was a military option but he didn't see one.

The war weary.

William Kristol frets that Americans are war-weary but is confident that a with the proper Republican orator "a war-weary public can be awakened and rallied" and lead us to victory. Certainly history has such great orators who took war-weary nations and inspired them to enthusiastically invade Russia. Napoleon and Hitler come to mind.

Republican jonesing for war is a common thread of the 21st century.

Iraq
This is the one recreational war Republican wanted that they got. Republicans assured the country that the war would be quick, easy, and fun. 

McCain predicted a swift war ending in three weeks.
Kristol was more cautious, predicting the war would end in two months.

It took eight years, was painfully difficult, and miserable.

Iran
Starting shortly after the Iraq War started Republicans began talking up "regime change" through attacking of Iran.

In 2008 McCain enjoyed joking about bombing Iran.
Kristol has been predicting and urging was with Iran annually for years. In 2006 he thought it would happen "soon." The following year he said that President Bush could rally Americans for an Iran War by 2008. Kristol thought 2010 was the perfect opportunity to begin war with Iran. In 2012 he urged Congress to declare war. He did that again last year.

But Iran is suddenly no long the focus of Republican warrior masturbation because...

Russia
I can't find any Republicans willing to predict war with Russia will be easy and over in a few weeks.  I can, however, find a number of Republicans that seemingly would be rooting for Russia against the US.

Russian Crimea Vote - History Repeats Itself

The Russian vote in Crimea over the weekend has an exact historical antecedent.

On February 27, Vlad Putin ordered his troops to take possession of various key points on the Crimean peninsula. On March 16, with his forces in firm control over the territory, Putin held a referendum to justify the takeover. People who might have voted against Putin were threatened and intimidated into silence. The result of the vote was 96% in favor of the takeover, according to CNN.

On March 12, 1938, Hitler ordered his troops to march into Austria and take possession of that German speaking country (the Anschluss or Union). After taking control of the nation Hitler set about justifying the takeover by holding a referendum. Jews, communists, and others who might have objected to the takeover were arrested and shipped to concentration camps in Germany or otherwise intimidated by the Gestapo. On April 10, Austrians voted on the German takeover, the result of the vote was 99% in favor.

In both instances the votes were held at the point of bayonets although they certainly would have been approved without intimidation just not with such impressively overwhelming numbers.

As pointed out by this writer, this is not Godwin's Law but an amazingly similar historical parallel. It is almost as if Putin wants to take the mantle of Worst Vlad in History away from Vlad Tepes.

American Police State: Highway Robbery Division

It's a time honored profession in the United States. A lone gunman stops a vehicle in, let's say Nevada. The gunman orders the people out of the vehicle, he takes all the money they possess, and he sends them on their way. There was a time that when this act was illegal and the local county sheriff would gather up a posse to chase down these brigands. But times have changed. Today the most profitable highwaymen are local law enforcement officers.

Joaquin Murrieta lived in the wrong century.

The law that allows this is called "civil forfeiture." If police stop you along the road and discover a significant amount of cash they can just up and take it. They don't have to arrest you or accuse you of any crime or even have any evidence of a crime. One trick used to great effect is to kidnap, I mean arrest, someone on trumped up charges and only release him after he signs a waiver forfeiting his belongings to the robbers, I'm sorry, to the police. Police agencies will take money, cars, even people's homes.

While it is possible to get the property back it is a long, involved legal process. An expensive legal process that, since the police already have taken the victim's money, few people can afford the fight. Most people are helpless to defend themselves and must meekly accept the fact they have been fucked by the police.

This is not police corruption, it is an imperfectly legal operation that police agencies use to supplement their budgets. If the county sheriff wants some fancy new gadget he doesn't have to go to the county government and beg for funds, he simply sends he officers out to confiscate the money. Officers who make a big haul of booty are celebrated for their skill at highway robbery.

By the way, it is also totally a violation of the Fourth Amendment to the Constitution but courts have ruled that the Constitution does not apply.

Responding to Russia

Republicans, when they are not praising Vlad Putin as a man's man, are forever criticizing President Obama for not doing enough about the Crimea crisis. Yet they don't make any suggestions about what ought to be done. That's not entirely true, a few Republicans have illustrated their criticism by suggesting Obama do precisely what he has been doing. And a few have gone predictably batshit.

In general, there are very few options available.

The Armageddon Option
Bomb Moscow.

My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes. ~ Ronald Reagan

In 1955, Gen. Curtis LeMay proposed to the Joint Chiefs of Staff to drop every nuclear weapon in its arsenal on the Soviet Union. In 1956, LeMay scrambled nearly a thousand bombers and feigned an attack on Russia. It was a show of strength but LeMay later said, "With a bit more luck we could have started World War III." In 1984, Reagan spoke that quip into an open mic. The Soviets activated their defenses and put their nuclear missiles on alert fearing Reagan wasn't joking.

Last Saturday, Sarah Palin suggested the only way to stop Putin was to bomb Russia when she said, "the only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke."

The Operation Overlord Option
Declare war with the intention of driving Russia out of the Crimea without going nuclear. The Crimea is connected to mainland Ukraine by a five kilometer wide isthmus meaning the only viable route would be a D-Day like amphibious invasion. It took the Allies two years to plan for D-Day and the Black Sea is not the English Channel.

The Kuwait Option
Like the run up to the First Gulf War, NATO could give Russia an ultimatum to leave Crimea by X date or face a declaration of war. Like in 1990, such an ultimatum will certainly fail leading to the above options.

The Tripwire Option
Basically what the US has been doing in South Korea for over half a century. Station American troops in the Ukraine and other vulnerable states bordering Russia so any attack on those countries would have to also attack American troops. Obama is actually doing this by stationing Air Force personnel in Latvia and Poland.

There are few military options that would not end up like this.

The truth is there are not a dozen people in Europe and North America willing to go to war over the Crimea. So let us look at the non-military options.

The Squeeze Their Balls Till They Pop Option
Isolate Russia by declaring economic war. Close the Bosporus to Russian shipping, shut down Russia's oil pipeline to the West, confiscate Russian assets in the West. The result will probably be $10 a gallon gasoline, an economic depression in Europe and possible the US, and possibly war if Russia decides it has no other alternative. The only country that would benefit would be China.

The Iran Option
Sanctions short of economic war with the intention of showing Russia that they will lose more than they gain. This would not satisfy the bloodthirsty neocons anymore than it has with Iran. Olympic corruption has already damaged Russia's economy and sanction will hurt even more. The all powerful oligarchy would demand a peaceful solution, probably the Two State Option. This option would probably not change the new reality that Crimea is no longer part of the Ukraine.

The Two State Option
Before the Russian invasion Crimea was only nominally part of the Ukraine. The Autonomous Republic of Crimea was unique within Ukraine in that had its own government (appointed by Kiev) and elected parliament. This option accepts that neither Russia nor the majority of Crimeans will accept control from a hostile Kiev. It proposes a referendum on independence. An independent Crimea would, of course, only be a puppet of Russia in a manner similar to Puerto Rico is to the United States. This seems to be where we will end up.

The Munich Option
Accept that Crimea is just not something to start a world war over and allow Russia to annex it. The problem here is that there are other parts of the old Soviet Union that Russia has a hankering for like the Baltic states. It is unlikely that Putin's appetite will be sated by just Crimea. Putin would keep sniffing at the small border states until his reach exceeds his grasp and then we are back to the first option on the list.

Conclusion
I suspect that sanctions leading to the Two State Option is probably the best outcome for all concerned.

Crimean Wars

Charge of the Light Brigade - 1854 Crimean War

A 1994 informal treaty between the United States, Great Britain, and Ukraine has those two western countries guaranteeing Ukraine's territorial integrity. The new Ukraine government is invoking that treaty now that Russian forces have left their Black Sea bases to occupy key points in the Crimea Peninsula. Neocons have wanted a war with Russia for over half a century and are attacking President Obama for not threatening war (Although, were he to threaten war they would attack him for that too).

While I seriously doubt that the western powers want to go to war over Crimea, it has happened before.

The Original Crimean War

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
...
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
  Rode the six hundred. ~ Charge of the Light Brigade ~ Alfred, Lord Tennyson

In the 1850's, the Russian Empire had disputes with the Ottoman Empire about Orthodox Christian access to holy sites so the Russians invaded Moldavia responding to French actions to pressure the Ottomans in Palestine. This frightened the Austrians and angered the British. The Russians eventually withdrew from Moldavia but by then the war fever in Britain and France was so hot the governments were forced to go to war against their better judgement.

They choose the Crimea because of its Russian naval ports. The war dragged on for two years with a half million military deaths, mostly from disease, before it just kind of petered out. Besides all the death, nothing much was accomplished.

The Russians were bankrupted by the war and had to sell Alaska to the United States so the war did indirectly lead to Sarah Palin.

The only good to come of the war was Florence Nightingale.

'No Comment' in Arizona

Compare and contrast Arizona Republicans desperately avoiding comment on that state's bill to legalize religious discrimination (seen here) with New York mobster Frank Costello in front of the Kefauver Committee in 1950.

My first impressions is that the head of the Genovese crime family was more forthcoming than Arizona lawmakers.

Republican Dehumanized Women

Ancient Elamite (Persian) fertility vessel

However, once a child does exist in your womb, I'm not going to assume a right to kill it just because the child's host (some refer to them as mothers) doesn't want it. ~ Virginia State Sen. Steve Martin (R)

To a lot of religious fanatics, be they Christian or Muslim, women are not so much sub-human as non-human. They are possessions, like a cow or a motorcycle, property that is valued only for the services or recreation they provide. In questions of fertility, women are mere vessels for a man's semen. The resultant pregnancy is merely being stored within the woman's body as one might store chablis in a bottle. The woman has no more rights to what's within her than the bottle does to the wine.

One could applaud Sen. Martin for the honesty with which he dismisses half the human race as unworthy of human compassion. It he clear this is his honestly held belief because he "corrected" the Facebook posting above by replacing "host" with the equally dehumanizing word "bearer."

I can't find any evidence that Sen. Martin is married, which is not at all surprising, although apparently he was able to find a vessel in the past to host a couple of children for him.

The Fate of the Ukraine

I suspect that Vlad Putin is only waiting for the Olympics to end before ordering tanks into the Ukraine to "restore order." The former KGB apparatchik in Putin has never accepted the breakup of the Soviet Union and he has used everything short of tanks to keep nations like the Ukraine and Belarus in his soviet orbit.

Putin will probably use the same excuse that Hitler used when he invaded Czechoslovakia before World War II, that he has to act to protect ethnic Russians in Ukrainian territories. Putin will certainly take the Crimea with its valuable Russian Black Sea naval base and probably also the eastern four provinces of the country with significant Russian populations.

The question is whether Putin will be satisfied with only a piece of Ukraine, squeezing the rest with severe economic sanctions. Instead, will he drive his tanks all the way to Kiev and install deposed President Yanukovych as a puppet leader of a Ukraine effectively reabsorbed into a new Union of Putin Republics?

Five Worst Presidents Ever Elected

I hate top ten lists but love bottom fives. I'm requiring my president to have been elected to office to eliminate the "accidental presidents" like Andrew Johnson and Millard Filmore.

1. James Buchanan 

Caused a civil war which is reason enough to top the list. Nominated by Democrats in 1856 as a compromise candidate - a Northerner who sympathized with Southerners. Fought to purge slavery squishes like Steven Douglas from the party. Did not lift a finger to stop the brutal fighting between pro and anti slavery factions in Kansas. By the time his one term was ending the Democratic Party had splintered and ran three candidates for President, leading to the election of Lincoln. Buchanan is rumored to have been the United States' first gay president.

2. Warren Harding

A good old boy who loved to drink whiskey (during Prohibition) and play poker (he once gambled away a set of White House china). Like any good old boy he liked putting his drinking buddies into positions of power and those buddies were all about selling favors and other forms of blatant corruption. Speculation is that Harding was poisoned by his wife because of his continuous whoring around.

3. Richard Nixon

The only president to resign from office. The only president to receive a presidential pardon from his successor. Nixon's Vice-President, Spiro Agnew, was the only vice-president to resign from office and the only vice-president ever convicted (by pleading no contest) of felony charges. Add to that his criminal expansion of the Vietnam War and his general sociopathy and you have one fucked up presidency.

4. George W. Bush

Generally regarded as the dumbest man ever to be elected president (although Warren Harding may disagree). Started the Iraq War mostly as revenge for Saddam Hussein insulting his daddy. His economic policies led to the second worst economic collapse in US history.

5. Calvin Coolidge

Warren Harding's Veep but elected president in his own right in 1924. His laissez faire economic policies led directly to the greatest economic collapse in world history. Rather than learn the lesson of history, modern Republicans embrace Coolidge as an icon (he was Ronald Reagan's favorite president). His anti-union, anti-welfare, anti-tax policies of enhancing the wealthiest at the expense of the middle-class is a cornerstone of Republican philosophy.

Somewhere Under the Rainbow

Aw, Kansas.

Kansas Pastor Curtis Knapp makes his case for genocide.

You are such a strange place. It is illegal in Topeka to own a bathtub. Topeka is also home to the infamous Westboro Baptist Church so it is probably not surprising that Kansas legislators in the State House passed a bill legalizing discriminating against people as long as they claim they are discriminating because of "sincerely held religious beliefs" and has some vague gender component. According to this law:

• If a woman enters a convenience store and is not wearing a burka the fundamentalist Muslim owner has the legal right to kick her out.
• If a black man and his white wife enter a restaurant owned by a Christian Identity believer who is religiously opposed to miscegenation, he can refuse to serve the couple with impunity.
• A Christian nurse can refuse to treat a Jewish man if she claims it violates her religious beliefs to speak to a male of that faith.

Of course, the law is intended as a kind of gay marriage Nuremberg Law designed to make homosexuals third-class citizens in the state. But, it was written broadly enough to allow for a wide range of prejudices. There is a weird line that requires alternative service be provided but it includes a massive loophole where discriminators need only claim "hardship" to escape any responsibilities.

In other Kansas news, the legislature is considering a bill to make it illegal to teach non-biblical science in public schools.

Random Thoughts on Gay Athletes and Weather

Storms of the Century

I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of apocalypse. ~ Buffy the Vampire Slayer

How many Storms of the Century can you have in one year before you finally understand that global weather has changed significantly?

-Storm of the Century Hits Britain
-and Israel
-Super Typhoon Haiyan One of the Most Powerful in History
-Storm of the Century Hits Colorado; Great Skiing
-Polar Vortex Causes Two Storms of the Century in One Month
-Historic Drought in California (a non-Storm of the Century)

Bravest Football Player

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.  ~ Mark Twain

When Michael Sam came out as gay before the NFL draft he knew it would affect his draft position and, hence, the money he stood to make. He knew that far more cowardly footballers would freak and that NFL execs and coaches would panic. Yet he did the courageous thing. That is the most impressive thing I've seen in football in many seasons.

Freedom to Be Free

We've gone astray from first principles. We've lost sight of the rule that individual freedom and ingenuity are at the very core of everything that we've accomplished. ~ Ronald Reagan

You might think that a system that allows people freedom from being shackled to a job just for the health insurance, a system that allows them the individual freedom to start their own businesses or care for their families, would be be a central tenant of conservatism. You'd be wrong. The current iteration of conservatives believes in wage slavery. Anything that grants individuals freedom is to be opposed with every fiber of their beings.

Coke Ad Is the America I Know

I missed the Superbowl because I had something more important to do - I was playing board games with friends - so it wasn't until today that I saw the famous Coca-Cola ad that has angered conservatives so much. My reaction was that it sounded a lot like everyday life here in Southern California.

San Francisco's Chinatown. (2006)

On a daily basis I will hear spoken English and Spanish. Frequently I hear Arabic or Chaldean Aramaic (I can't tell the difference between them), Vietnamese, Tagalog, Japanese, Hindi, and Chinese spoken by my neighbors in this polyglot community. Tourists add a countless variety of other tongues.

An American patriotic song in Yiddish. (1911)

America has always been this way. New Yorkers heard Italian, Yiddish, and Irish Gaelic to name just three of the many languages to flow out of Ellis Island. Chicago speakers added Italian, German, Polish, and various other Slavic languages to English. In Minnesota, where my father was born, immigrants brought their Scandinavian languages of Norwegian, Swedish, and Finnish. Louisiana and Maine residents will hear their neighbors speaking French.

Polish language signs in Chicago. (2013)

I don't speak any of these languages, I have enough trouble with English, but I feel sorry for pitiful people like Allen West and his ilk who cannot appreciate the multicultural wonder that is America. They are such shallow, empty people.

America the Beautiful sung in Cherokee.

Tom Perkins and an Embarrassment of Riches

The $100 million yacht with which Tom Perkins ran over and kill a French doctor in 1996. He was fined $10,000 for the crime because there is a different criminal code for the extremely wealthy.

Billionaire Tom Perkins believes the extremely wealthy are a persecuted class. When I was young during the anti-communist frenzy of the late 1950's and early 1960's, being excessively wealthy was considered a sin. The Great Depression had wrung out of the population any respect for extreme wealth. The marginal tax rate under Republican President Ike Eisenhower was 90%, getting to be obscenely wealthy was virtually impossible.

Phrases like "obscene wealth" and "filthy rich" were common. The richest men in America were freaks like J. Paul Getty and Howard Hughes, misers and recluses that no sane person would want to replicate. Getty once berated his wife for spending too much money on health care for their ailing son Timmy who died at the age of 12. Getty also famously refused to pay ransom to rescue his grandson from kidnappers; he wanted any ransom to be tax deductible. Howard Hughes ended up living in squalor in the penthouses of five-star hotels he owned.

Wealthy people like George Romney and Jack Kennedy, who would be considered pikers by today's uber-rich standards, tried to live down their wealth, living simple middle-class lives, at least for public consumption.

In history there are occasions when the aristocratic rich become so arrogantly exploitative that the public rises up to destroy them as they have become monsters.

French revolutionaries bringing down the Aristocratic Hydra.

Today, we have millionaires pleading poverty, stating they cannot make ends meet on six and seven figure salaries because minimum wage workers are too greedy. We have billionaires like Perkins implying they are the Sun that warms the earth and without their economic prowess humanity would quickly descend into the Stone Age.

How Tom Perkins sees himself.

The best thing that could happen to the nation is a return to the higher marginal tax rates of previous prosperous decades.

Source

The worse alternative is to continue allowing an aristocratic class to separate from the rest of the people until either the economy collapses again or the people rise up to kill the monsters pretending to be our financial gods.

Republican 2016 Morning Line

Lots of people, even some I respect, are speculating who the Republicans will field in 2016. It's way early but I bored so I will play the game.

The Governors

Lots of Republicans think they have a strong team of governors to choose from. Really?

Chris Christie (20 to 1)
The problem with being an asshole who garners support through threats is that when the fear is lifted "supporters" quickly start looking for payback. Christie's New York money is running from him faster than an ambulance on the George Washington Bridge.

Rick Perry (50 to 1)
He's started wearing horn-rimmed glasses in an effort to look smarter than a stump. Not working.

Scott Walker (100 to 1)
Nothing says presidential timber like surviving a recall election with just 54% of the vote. Other Midwestern governors, Mike Pence, Rick Snyder, John Kasich, are even less likely.

Bobby Jindel (500 to 1)
Four years ago he was the Great Brown Hope for conservatives hating Obama. Since then he has been a cypher, a zero, bubkis.

The Unemployed

Pundits love politicians who have the time to hang out at Beltway cocktail parties and don't have to embarrass themselves by actually, you know, governing.

Jeb Bush (5 to 1)
The latest, and most talented, of the Bush Dynasty. Handicapped by being brother to one disastrous President Bush and son of another. Favorite of establishment Republicans; loathed by Tea Partiers; hated by nativists because he married a Mexican immigrant.

John Bolton (1000 to 1)
His campaign would entirely be about waging war with Iran. For starters. After than he'll want war with Russia, war with France, war with China, war with North Korea.

Rick Santorium (1000 to 1)
Runner up to Mitt last time. Republicans traditionally pick their second place finisher as their nominee the next go round.

Mike Huckabee (100 to 1)
Competing with Santorium for the Creationist/Puritan vote.

The Congressmen

Republicans haven't sent a sitting member of Congress to the White House since Warren Harding. That went well.

Rand Paul (4 to 1)
Tea Party favorite with the strong organization of wackos formed by his dad.

Ted Cruz (10 to 1)
Touches all the bases. A religious nut, a Tea Party absolutist who believes two-thirds of Americans are traitors, a Hispanic from Canada who hates immigrants, favors war with Iran. Ted Cruz is almost a cartoon caricature of a Republican radical.

Marco Rubio (100 to 1)
A Cuban from Florida with vague ties to drug cartels. Briefly supported by pundits who thought the only way to defeat Democrats was with some, any minority candidate. Ted Cruz has sucked all the wind from his sails.

Paul Ryan (100 to 1)
Fully in bed with establishment Republicans, even known to have spoken in a civil tone to a Democrat. This makes Ryan a pariah among Tea Partiers.

Health Benefits of WV Water

Pregnant women excepted, the coal industry's enhanced water is perfectly safe for people to drink.

Everybody loves water that you can chew.

1. Drinking Water Helps Maintain the Balance of Body Fluids.
Coal industry scientists have proven that the body requires a fine balance of H2O and 4-methylcyclohexanemethanol (MCHM). Absence of this necessary frothing agent leads to unwanted side effects such as long life and the resulting burden on Social Security.

2. Water Can Help Control Calories.
Drinking West Virginia tap water causes a sudden and complete loss of appetite. Drink enough enhanced WV water and you too can have a svelte supermodel figure.

3. Water Helps Energize Muscles.
Especially the diaphragm and other muscles involved in the vomit reflex.

4. Water Helps Keep Skin Looking Good.
Who has healthier looking skin that enhanced water advocate John Boehner? His complexion is exactly the same color as WV tap water. Coincidence?

5. Water Helps Your Kidneys.
To dissolve.

6. Water Helps Maintain Normal Bowel Function.
As long as you consider bloody diarrhea to be normal.

When American industry is relieved of burdensome regulations the entire country will be able to enjoy the enhanced water now available only in West Virginia.

The preceding was a public service announcement by America's most patriotic business.

Low Priced Political Hooker

One of the things that depresses me about modern America is how cheaply our politicians prostitute themselves.

The Speaker of the House, for example, ought to demand a six to seven figure payout to demean himself into defending someone who has poisoned hundreds of thousands of Americans. John Boehner, for the low, low price of only $5,000, is supporting the company that dumped dangerous chemicals into the drinking water supply of 300,000 West Virginians.

The United States is the richest, most powerful nation on Earth. If we can't get honest political leaders can't we at least get higher quality whores?

Common Phrases Explained Using Political Examples

Screwed the Pooch

A nice way of saying, "you fucked the dog." First used by NASA personnel in the 1960's. It means botching up your end of an activity totally and completely.

While there have been many failures in the ObamaCare roll out, Kaiser Permanente in California has screwed the pooch the worst. Their job as an HMO is to manage health insurance yet they have totally bollocked the simple task of sending out invoices to their clients. They are so backed up they keep extending the deadline for paying invoices because they can't manage to get them out in the first place.

Hoisted With His Own Petard

Blown up with your own bomb. Composed by Shakespeare in Hamlet.  The literal meaning is colorful - "to be lifted up by your own fart."

Chris Christie was hoisted with his own petard. His plan to punish Democrats in the city of Fort Lee by imposing a killer traffic jam has destroyed his chances of being elected President and may see him impeached.

Sold Down the River

To betray the trust of people who depend on you. From the antebellum South when a slave owner would sell the wife or children of a slave down the Mississippi River into the deep South.

The people along the Elk River in West Virginia were sold down the river by the coal industry which has always considered their lives expendable, by their government which considers the public to be an annoying burden, and by their politicians who are bought and paid for by the coal industry.

Gov. Christie on the GW Bridge Scandal (in Brief)

Biggest Threat to World Peace

Gallup has done a global poll that shows the United States is considered the biggest threat to world peace. Predictably, conservatives are outraged, blaming all those countries they believe the US is at war with for rigging the poll. Objectively (as objective as I can be), how should the nations rank.

1. United States

Largest (with Russia) nuclear arsenal.
Largest military budget, a whopping 39% of the global total.
Second (to China) largest armed forces.
Over 700 military bases worldwide; military personnel stationed in 156 countries.
Directly attacked citizens in several sovereign nations in 2013 including Afghanistan, Yemen, Somali, Pakistan, and Libya.
Aids the militaries of scores of other nations in either confronting their neighbors or imposing force upon their own citizens.
Along with North Korea, is the only nation with politicians openly longing for nuclear war.

2. North Korea

Has a handful of nuclear weapons, about 10.
Openly belligerent toward her neighbors.
Has a huge military, fourth largest. Over 6% of the population is in the military; add in reserves and the number grows to 40%. Their military consumes a quarter of North Korea's GDP.
The political leadership is both paranoid and insane.

3. Pakistan

Over 100 nukes.
Home to thousands of al-Qaeda militants.
Has a hate-hate relationship with her southern neighbor, India.

4.  India

The other half of the sub-continent power keg. It is commonly believed if nuclear war happens it will happen between these two countries.
Has periodic skirmishes with Pakistan over disputed Kashmir.
Over 100 nukes.
Third largest army in the world.

5. China

Largest military, over 2 million men at arms.
Has multiple territorial disputes with neighbors including India, Japan, Taiwan, Vietnam, Bhutan, and the Philippines (in the South China Sea).
Has, probably, over 400 nukes.
As its economic power increases, China is beginning to project more militarily.